Future grandmother-at-34 and mother of one or two kids depending upon whether you’re Andrew Sullivan, Bristol Palin has a blog now! And instead of posting funny LOLmoose pictures and 101 Uses For Ranch Dressing recipes (baby formula? why not!) she is putting up “writey things” which Palin family fans can then print out and keep until they meet someone who can read it to them while they clap their hands in childish delight. Then it gets scrapbooked for posterity.

Today Bristol posted her final GED essay:

Why Don’t You Call Me, I’m Out In The Tundra, I’m Hungry To Hear You

Which is about how Bristol wants a phone call from President Black Obama just like that one he made to that slutty college girl, because Bristol had no birth control either and she’s got the baby to prove it so, hah!, she wins! LOL!:

You don’t know my telephone number, but I hope your staff is busy trying to find it. Ever since you called Sandra Fluke after Rush Limbaugh called her a slut, I figured I might be next.  You explained to reporters you called her because you were thinking of your two daughters, Malia and Sasha.  After all, you didn’t want them to think it was okay for men to treat them that way:

Then Bristol talks about that mean Bill Maher man who is on that HBO channel that did that movie where they made her mom look dumb and, even worse, made Bristol looked fat, and that Obama should pay a million dollar fine. She also mentions SuperPacs which, until recently, Bristol thought were those large 60-piece tubs of Juicy Fruit, but apparently they’re like that bank account that her mom uses to pay for family vacations.

Anyway, the President should call Bristol, but not during the day because she will be at her job as the assistant skin exfoliater trainee at Merle Norman and her boss won’t let her take personal phones calls while she’s working because she’s a total bitch.