Your Earth-style “humor”… eludes me, human.

“$50 bucks says the Smails Santorum kid picks his nose.”

… “$50 bucks more says he eats it.”

Beer table tennis? He doesn’t drink alcohol, it should be fruit punch table tennis. Or kool aid table tennis.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxJGyVDAg18&feature=related

“Young American, young American,
He wants the Young American, all night!”

Don’t be so critical – the current AI upgrade pretty much passed the Turing Test in a controlled lab environment, only problem being a minor glitch in the humor subsystem that can crash which induces a cascading failure leading to the unpleasant events that necessitated the whole new programming team (again, our condolences to the families of the old team – they will be missed).

Can’t really risk cranking up the gain again on the humor subsystem outside a hardened and secure environment. He’s running for President, for pete’s sake.

Well, my late mother used got say that she cannot understand how any woman can be a Republican. She wasn’t joking, though; she was pretty pissed off, in fact.

Oh-oh –
“- A powerful and prolonged earthquake rocked Mexico and parts of Central America on Tuesday, knocking out electricity and phone service in this sprawling capital and sending tens of thousands of people into the streets in search of safety.

There were no immediate reports of serious damage in Mexico City. Mayor Marcelo Ebrard surveyed the city by helicopter and said he saw no destruction. Some damage was reported in the southern state of Oaxaca.

The U.S. Geological Service measured the quake at a magnitude 7.6 with the epicenter in southern Guerrero state, near the border with Oaxaca state, a sparsely populated area about 115 miles from the tourist resort of Acapulco and 100 miles from Oaxaca City. The service said the quake was about 11 miles deep.

Gabino Cue, the governor of Oaxaca, reported cracks and broken windows in several schools and minor damage to a number of Oaxaca City’s iconic monuments. He said signposts had fallen in the city as well.

The quake hit at 12:02 local time. In Mexico City, there was an initial rocking, a pause and then a much stronger, sustained rocking motion that swayed buildings in many parts of the capital.”

har har har .. all your snark has gone “poofed”

Wait, I thought Santorum was the one that goes ‘poof’…

To each their own. Personally I don’t understand how Christians can vote Republican, but that’s probably a) because I’ve actually read what little Yeshua ben Yosef had to say about the matter, and b) I’m not a Christian.

A Mormon walks into a bridal shop.

“Can I help you?” asks the woman at the counter.

“Sure can,” says the guy, “the three I’ve got are a little worse for wear — any brides on sale this week?”

It’s okay, Mitt, you can have it for free for ol’ times sake. Can’t be any worse than the material you’re currently inflicting on your audience…

During a speech on economic freedom *of the .00001% to rip off & bankrupt the 99%* at the University of Chicago on Monday, the candidate was asked to address crippling student loans and the high unemployment rate for younger Americans.

And Mitt said: Go find a cheaper college, suckahs!!! I got MINE, eff you. Oh, and by the way: Vote for Me! (whirr, click, bonk!)

Yea, why wouldn’t kids vote for a party that promises to lower the wages on their crappy jobs, reduce their access to financing for college, destroy social security for their future, strip down health insurance to junk as it sky rockets in price, and discriminate against minority groups of which more and more of our children belong?

It’s a mystery.

Almost as much of a mystery as to why millions of people like Mitt follow a religon started by a teenage alcoholic con-man who talked to angels by putting rocks in his hat.

Almost, but not quite.

Almost as much of a mystery as to why millions of people like Mitt follow a religion started by a teenage alcoholic con-man who talked to angels by putting rocks in his hat.

Crack. It’s a hell of a drug…

“I don’t see how a young American can vote for a Democrat.”

Logic error.
Blue screen.
Reboot system.
“I mean, doesn’t everyone have a rich daddy with lots of connections?”

And THIS guy is the frontrunner and presumptive nominee???????

A 45% haul for Romney tonight will positively help his momentum. BUt, he needs 47% of ALL the delegates still “at stake” from here on out. That’s asking a lot. I still think, and many experts agree, this thing will be a wrestling match in Tampa. Back-stabbing, back-biting, back rooms, and dirty deals.

MittBot 3000 Tells “Joke”, Then Explains Why It Isn’t Very Funny

Could Mitt or Rick pass a Turing Test:)

Did you know, I have a friend who is Mormon. He can’t drink Coke or any softdrink that has caffeine in it.

Guess Mountain Dew is totally out of the question.

I should loan him my penguin joke:

A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Have you seen my brother?”

Bartender, “I don’t know. Whad does he look like”?

This “amusement thing ” or “joke” was about how kids these days are totally “whack” if they vote for Democrats instead of “cool hepcats” like himself and other late-middle-aged white men who can still quote lines verbatim from Caddyshack because that is a very funny talking movie.

And the GOP wonders why they lose the Youth Vote?

Another reason why they lose the Youth vote is their constant harping for Reagan for many young voters rReagan is history.

That would be a big improvement the GOP does not do humor well unless its mean humor.

“Hepcats”……………….wow!!!! Man, that’s like L-7.

I just laughed so. effing. hard.

Oh, I got one….

“What do you call a dog with no legs?”
Doesn’t matter, he can’t come anyway.

Republicans usually don’t GET that joke.

Mitt wants to win younger voters running on no plan to create jobs beyond what he did at Bain Capital firing people until the companies were profitable and outsourcing jobs?
He wants to do nothing for student loans? Is he trying to lose?

That depends on what your definition of “is” is.

I’m in my early 40′s Hepcats I think is something people who were cool used to say on 50′s tv shows?
Even the old guys trying to be cool when I was a kid did not use the term just how old is Mitt anyway?

So now he’s going to kids likely to be sympathetic with Occupy at some point and is saying — no, no, no, not class war, it’s inter-generational war. It’s the geezer’s fault.

Mitt with his flip flops on the issues could not convince me he was a cyborg T-Bogg Cyborgs are programed to give logically consistent answers.

Hepcat is from the 40-50′s. Referred to jaz afficionados. Comonly used by “beatniks” in the 50′s.

OWS will be a problem for the GOP in the general election I wonder how Mitt will try to appeal to them? I don’t think Mitt’s handlers will let him near a joke again.

Its 2012! a 60+ year old reference to Cool Jazz lovers won’t get you youth votes if your Grandma has to explain the joke to you.
Who is writing Mitt’s material for youth Votes Pat Buchanan?

Can’t see how santorum can possibly go ‘poof’

Mongs some fear, while he’s at it:

And by the way, wonder whether Social Security and Medicare will be there for you

I blame Malia Obama.

If you need to explain a joke to your audience its not funny either don’t tell the joke or get a new audience.
Cripes St Augestine’s Prayer God grant me the gift of chasity….just not yet ( St Augustine was a player)
Is an old joke around 2,000 years old but it works Mitt needs to hire a GOP comedian for his speech writing team.

I still think, and many experts agree, this thing will be a wrestling match in Tampa.

In which case, WWE head (and failed Senate candidate, running again this year) Linda McMahon should chair the convention.

If this keeps up we very well might be thinking of the Bush years as the Golden age of Republican ideas, humor and debate.
Reading current GOP policy ideas and trying to make sense of them very well might be costing me I.Q points.

Don’t forget that he also wants to micromanage young people’s sex lives, especially if they’re women.

That party is focused on providing more and more benefits to my generation and amounting trillion-dollar annual deficits my generation will never pay for.”

Deficits my generation refuse to pay for, even after receiving all those benefits.

Well, here’s another reason for RomneyNOT. So he thinks Caddyshack was funny. That’s an insult to the gopher (or was it a woodchuck?).

Deadpan slapstick. Go away.

I’m sure that the “Village” where he was trained in American life, had the most up-to-date instructors available. Hepcat was cutting edge, even Maynard G. Krebs used the word on the TV machine.

Ring-a-Ding-Ding!

You know, Mitt’s gonna have to get on board with Ryan’s new budget “blueprint” (same as the old blueprint, only worse.) Sell that to the kids?

Well, as my grandpappy used to say, “that dog won’t hunt.”

Here’s a joke Mitt can use in southern states.

Q:What do Republicans in southern states do on Halloween?

A: Pump kin.

One simple fact:

If Barack Obama had hit the ground running when he came in, and if he’d confronted these assholes, they would not have been laughing stocks for just progressives, but for most american voters.

Instead, Obama has hidden under his desk and Babbits like Romney and loons like Santorum are busily re-defining our political culture.

E.G.: every time a republican talks about “cutting government spending”, Barack Obama should hold a little fireside chat and remind everyone that George Bush was flying C-130′s into Iraq with literally TONS of palletsful of $100 dollar bills in them, a large portion of which utterly disappeared into the clusterfuck ether.

I haven’t heard that from him, nor, anything remotely resembling it, and at this point I don’t think I will. It’s probably too damn late, anyway.

Channeling Bobby DeNiro:

“Ann Romney. Now do you really think our country is ready for a Mormon first lady? Too soon, right?”

Republican base: “Ah, fuck. Do we really have to vote for this guy? Is he gonna make us all wear that funny underwear and stop drinking coffee and likker? Ah, fuck.”

Yeah, Obama sucks. Just stay home on election day, or vote for some asshole who won’t win, but will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. We’re all doomed anyway. Whatever, dude/dudette.

In MittBot 3000′s defense, his jokes are funnier in binary code.

This has been making the rounds lately.

GOP Comedian? Isn’t there a contradiction somewhere here?
Fun Fact: In Joe Smith’s day, hot liquids were bad for you. When they found out that wasn’t the case, the Mormons had to come up with an excuse for this ‘revelation’; hence the restriction on caffeine.

Santorum goes “poof” when the sphincter muscles relax…

Hey, if you’re writing jokes for the Mittster, that needs to be at least “$50,000″ in each reference.

Doesn’t it go “plop” when the sphincter muscles relax?

Almost as much of a mystery as to why millions of people like Mitt follow a religon started by a teenage alcoholic con-man who talked to angels by putting rocks in his hat.

The angel he met in Palmyra, New York* was named Moroni.

For real.

Or some values of real.

______________
* PALMYRA! I ask you!

Get the t-shirts ready: “Man-on-dog/Dog-on-car 2012″