As usual with this sort of piece, floaters come bubbling to the top in the comments for the LLBean bicyclist.

Also, and a little pathetically, Mark pledges to look and look and look and look all over the town because SOMEBODY STOLE MY BIKE! You don’t wanna get involved with a guy like him, Dottie…

Poor Mark… he’s still all butt hurt because Hitch didn’t “Get Right” before he died.

Well, actually, Mark did not say anything about looking all over white town.

Nope. Not gonna apologize for bein racist until NoBama takes the reasonable moderate position of bein mildly racist against himself.

It’s Obama’s fault.

He stole it, you know he did.

Or he had some jihadist from his secret sleeper cell in the White House basement do it.

Somewhat longer Mark Judge:

I *endured* the horror of a liberal upbringing foisting PC movies on my impressionable self. One time a black actor accused the *wrong* white guy of a criminal act. The fact that it was actually *a different white person* who committed the crime makes no never mind to me. NOW I have justification to be loud and proud of my bigoted racism. An “N” word mos def stole my bike, and I hate all “N” words, most especially Obama (who’s responsible for this outgageous crime against a white person) with the loathing of a 1000 white hot suns. So there, LibTARDZ. Who’s got the last laugh now?????

Now Easter is ruined for Mark — every time he hears the story of how Jesus’s body was missing from the tomb, he’s just going to think “must have died in a black neighborhood.”

In that neighborhood, I’d presume Mark’s bike was stolen by a predatory priest, to lure a boy into Papal games.

Or that Christ’s body was stolen by some Black Punk.

From the comments over there (and there are some good ones)

I stole your bike. I only did it because you’re a wanker. I didn’t actually want it, or want to sell it for drugs or beer or anything. I just wanted to throw it in the river. So I threw it in the river.
The end.

I believe that is the perfect response to this type of idiocy. The end.

One of my best friends died of non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Because he was a Canadian, he didn’t lose his job, he didn’t become bankrupt, his health requirements were fulfilled and all in all, it was about a 15 year time between diagnosis and death.

He didn’t lose his job.
He didn’t go bankrupt.
He had full access to every possible medical assistance.
His wife didn’t leave him in order to allow him benefits.
He worked effectively and usefully for all that time.
His country didn’t throw him away.
Nobody targetted him for attack.

There are a lot of consequences to crappy health insurance. Losing your bike is pretty low level.

Is he saying that his illness and the loss of his bike (possibly stolen by a Black Person) is equivalent to the suffering, past and present, of the entire Black Race in the Americas?

What an ego maniac.

Well, maybe you can shoot a black kid for buying Skittles in your neighborhood. Will that make it all better? Maybe that’ll cure your cancer and your inability to achieve an erection.

Next week the prick will get bad sushi and he’ll write about how we should nuke Japan again.

I deplore the shocking absence of Pee Wee Herman references in this thread.

I read A LOT and I heard that Jesus was getting his freak on in the black part of town when someone (black, obviously) slipped him a black roofie and when he arose three days later, trapped in a black cave, Dick Cheney’s ancestors harvested his organs.

I blame Obama.

That ends the comment contest for this thread.

Was the prize an LL Bean bike by any chance?

Did he look in the basement of the Alamo?

I’m sorry, but a conservative that admits to using alternative transportation and freely confesses to being friends with a social worker is just not a worthy source of reliable hate mongering. Chances are his hippie-mobile was stolen by a roving gang of WASPy lobbyists or think tank wankers on a drunk Jesus-zombie-day dare.

I was just thinking about “The Bicycle Thief.” I saw a trailer for “A Better Life” and said, “That reminds me a lot of The Bicycle Thief.” Apparently, I was the last to know…

Indeed, there’s only one of them if you only count the first comment.

I wanted to comment, over there, “And if a black person read this, found your bike, and returned it, would your white guilt return? Or if it were proven that a white person stole it, would your white guilt return?”

These people want credit for everything: having a disease. Liking their bike. Having their bike stolen. Having (or claiming to) a simple-minded prejudice. No-longer-having a simple-minded prejudice.

The reason they sneer at what they take to be liberals’ “kumbaya”/naive bleeding-heart “empathy” is, they don’t understand it. They think empathy is when you feel deeply sorry for yourself.

Well, to be honest every time I think of billions of dollars being stolen from pension funds, or plans to steal Grandma’s Medicare or Social Security, I immediately think ‘Probably a Rich, White Guy’…

I think the bike is lost in the same netherworld as VDH’s chainsaw and Tom Friedman’s cab driver: it’s where things go when right-wingers are doing using them to prove a point.

But what if it’s a sign from God and He actually made the bike disappear? That would be awesome and makes for a more interesting story, also too.

Judge and VDH need to think big; what if their GUN went missing!!?? Except if that happened, they would have to frame their loss with a rock-solid story that they did everything possible to secure their gun, else they’ll get called out by other conservatives who never lose a gun – that’s for liberals.

I had no idea that Piers Morgan was gay. Bad gaydar, I guess.

Mark Judge is a modern day Job, I tell you. Job. Give him credit for only whining a little bit about the trials God is throwing his way.

$10 says McMegan’s next article is about the LL Bean bike she bought from some enterprising neighborhood youth and how she only paid $1,299 for a $200 cruis….oh shit, forgot a digit!

Aha! Undoubtedly someone stashed it in the Room of Requirement!

Maybe Rick Warren purposely drove the bike away.

The same guy who forged Obama’s birth certificate stole that bike.

A stolen bicycle is much worse than what happened to Emmitt Till.

Roy Edroso blogged the following:

I’ll leave the last word to an especially astute Daily Caller commenter:

I stole your bike. I only did it because you’re a wanker. I didn’t actually want it, or want to sell it for drugs or beer or anything. I just wanted to throw it in the river. So I threw it in the river.

Respect.

Papal Games? Is that the next Tom Clancy epic?

Indeed.

OK, Mark, you have our permission to be pissed at whoever took your bike. Go on and shout your anger into your pillow or into the closet or whatever.

What you shouldn’t do is make up an imaginary picture of the thief and then blame all the people who look like your mental image.

I swear, it’s like he’s 6 years old.

Oh, Mark found his bike, by the way. It was in the garage. So, never mind.

Okay, kidding, but I can’t resist poking a little more fun at this LLBean-bicycle-owning yuppie (accessorize with LLBean Water Bottle, $500) who carts his bicycle around on the rack mounted on his car as some sort of badge of alternative transportation advocacy, without actually using it for transportation. I mean, apparently, he drives his car to some designated place where he can ride his bike. I think you’re doing it wrong, dummy.

I’m with commenter Fish on this one. He deserves to have his damn bike thrown in the river.

White people are so lucky.

If it had been a black person with his bike strapped to the back of his car, his car woulda been stolen.

Now Easter is ruined for Mark — every time he hears the story of how Jesus’s body was missing from the tomb, he’s just going to think “must have died in a black neighborhood.”

Squeee!

Some days I think maybe I shouldn’t read TBogg or his commenters. I might die laughing.

You’re right, JG. Two days late to the festivities, and I’m snickering myself into a decline of jealousy coz all these people are so right-on funny and clever.
But what a dopey article. Notice how Mark labors to eliminate all the possible perp-groups except the one he wanted to be guilty in the first place? Nuns?…nope, nope! Priests?…nope, nope, nope (like the lion in the classic Warner cartoon sniffing at Bugs’ rabbithole entrance and trying to identify his species). But I really got the impression he was more pissed at his libbie friend with her adjurations to mercy and fellow-feeling than he was at whoever actually took his bike.