Dave Boyer of the Washington Unification End-Times Church Newsletter read this thing on Bill Kristol’s dumb son-in-law’s internet hobby blog about how Barack Obama was personally¬† transvaginal wanding lady visitors at the White Hizzouse to see if they were pregnant, possibly by Republican semen firehose Bill Johnson. Dave Boyer, who works for a Kimchee Jesus, could have called the White House to confirm this story – but … boring and also work -, so he ran with that baby, and by ‘baby’ I don’t mean the end result of¬† Bill Johnson’s baby batter:

Pregnant women are not required to count their fetuses as full human beings when registering for White House tours, contrary to some reports suggesting otherwise, the Secret Service said.

The Washington Free Beacon on Tuesday posted a copy of an email from White House Visitors Office director Ellie Schafer to a Capitol Hill staffer explaining the process for registering for a tour of the White House. The email indicates that pregnant women must include a baby in the count of guests if the child is expected to be born by the time of the tour, a line that some conservative news outlets say is akin to a pro-choice White House treating fetuses as people.

For Dave Boyer, this is like that time when Congressman John Fleming thought an Onion story about an $8 billion Planned Parenthood Abortionplex was real and twitter-twatted it out to his constituents who are presumably stupider then himself. The big difference is that, unlike The Free Beacon, The Onion has some standards and credibility, not that Dave Boyer cares because, pffft, he works for the Moonie Times and it’s not like he has room to talk…