Ordinary philosophers and scholars rarely have the courage to wield the mighty sword of debate that is “I know you are, but what am I?”

Maybe there will be a special category: The Pantload Pulitzer

references to philosophers and scholars — Burke, Hume, etc.

Except it’s Brooke Burke and Brit Hume.

Oh, shit, I forgot got to add:

Goldberg, I know you check into this blog. We can smell the Cheetos and flop sweat.

You are a fucking fraud Doughbob! A FRAUD!

I’m sorry, Jonah who? I haven’t really been following…

The effect is similar to that of a chimp wearing a top hat and monocle.

Hey, watch it!

–Bobo the Chimp

Goldberg is a queef.

An ineffable twit, that Jonah.

Hey now. Using tangentially related song titles as post titles is MY shtick.

Hmmm, JoA@6 seems to have effed his twittitude fairly well …

I went over to Salon and read the whole thing. The quotations from the “slippery slope” and “let them eat cake” chapters were pathetic — Sean Penn saying “let them eat cake”? About whom? My 8th-grade English teacher would have flunked anybody who wrote — or perhaps a better word is “assembled” — so much meaningless claptrap.

I just hope somebody, maybe driftglass or Tintin, comes up with a really good photoshop of the chimp-in-top-hat bit. Then we can all use it every time the Pantload’s name comes up.

Must be nice to be a Mama’s boy on the Wingnut Welfare lazy-gravy train. Doughy Pantload is like that female Wingnut in the prior post, who writes condescendingly racist but self-serving blogs about stuff that she’s “too busy” to read, but then is totally victimized to the dreaded LIEbrul media, when she’s called on her lazy nonsensical bullshit. In other words, how DARE the world notice that I was too lazy and entitled to do my homework?? After all, I AM a conservative, and as everyone who’s anyone knows: IOKIYAR. So there! neener neener…

But hey: where can I git me one of ‘em Monkeys with a Top Hat & Monocle? Sounds faabulous (and far more useful and entertaining than Pantload)!

Funny how TBogg has a two-fer featuring the awesome awesomeness of right-wing anti-intellectuals Naomi Schaefer Riley and Jonah Goldberg.

Both are perfect examples of the wingnut commentary style. They believe don’t need to do even the most perfunctory research on the subjects they criticize because even though they have little (or any) real world experience in anything, they are so goddamned right about everything that all must bow down to their assumed greatness. And when people with experience do point out this major intellectual and personality flaw to them, they resort to, “Nuh-UH, you’re the stoopid one!”

Like someone (TBogg?) once described $arah Palin, they are like children trying to mimic how adults talk.

Or, what onitgoes said, just four minutes earlier than me. Also too.

Pareene did a masterful job fisking our Mr. Goldberg. And a nice shout-out to your own hard work, TBogg!

Also to Norbizness who was making fun of Jonah back before anyone had ever heard of him.

Anything to deflate Loadpants’ overblown ego and self-image is worth any effort put into it. It balances out the abject lack of effort he puts into his very important literary contributions to mankind.

Gotta get me one of those monkey-with-a-monocle-and-top hat dolls! My little toddler, Li’l Creaturette, would have a blast tossing it around the house, scaring the cats with it, blowing her nose on it, all those great kid things-to-do!
Let us know when they go on sale! Just in time for Xmas/Chanukah/Eid/Festivus/Winter Solsitice, please! Thanks in advance.

Speaking of the decline of pretty much everything, this blurb for Goldberg’s latest book is just sad:
What can one say to the self-proclaimed ‘independent’ who never has nor ever will vote other than Democratic; or to the wise soul suggesting, of any conflict at all, “the truth must lie somewhere in between”? Mr. Goldberg reminds us that one must stand up and demand of the muddled and supine either an absolute declaration of their principles and acknowledgment of the results of actions having flowed therefrom or a straightforward admission of their intransigence in refusing a concise reply.” DAVID MAMET

But, but, but, Jonah DID get a No Prize from Marvel Comics once. Does that count?

Pantload hears the crowd shout: “Pulitzer! Pulitzer!”

The crowd is actually shouting: “Putz! Putz!”

Jonah Goldberg: “Like a Sir.”

I’d comment in detail on Pantload’s chronic vapidness, but I’m on a deadline.

“Jonah was there for much of this. His apartment was the scene of meetings between Lucianne and Linda Tripp that would define the rest of the Clinton era.”

The furtive phone calls. The frisson of–dare I say it–sexual excitement, as the two women met in Jonah’s bachelor pad for midday cocktails coupled with furtive exchanges of gossip. They spoke in whispers with heads held close as they reclined on the ghetto plaid couch, oblivious of the flop sweat, Cheeto crumbs, and loose change between the cushions. And as they shared a post-conspiratorial cigarette, one can almost imagine Lucianne Goldberg’s smoke rings gradually morphing into dollar signs as they floated toward the cottage cheese textured stucco where they ultimately dissolved among the faint traces of glitter….

That guy trying to appear serious looks like a monkey trying to fuck a football.

I went over and read Alex Pareene’s entire piece. I can report that it was worth the time, provided that you accept the proposition that wasting time laughing at the absurdity that is Jonah Goldberg is a worthwhile way to spend one’s time. (/style parody)

I especially enjoyed this Goldberg quote:

Ultimately slippery slope arguments are a mixed bag. They are useful as a way to reinforce good dogma, but they are also used to reinforce bad dogma. Similarly they can scare us away from bad policies and good policies alike. There are good slippery slope arguments and bad ones for good ends and bad ends.

It sounds very much like one of the history reports out of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

I thought it was “hopeless, but not serious…”.

I think he may be remembering a time when he sat on the floor, part of a circle comprised of himself and admiring younger conservatives, and heard them chant, “Pull it, sir! Pull it, sir.”

To quote the great sage Malcolm Reynolds:

“My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.”

I can just hear Li’l Jonah being called on to read his own paper in class and stumbling over the word “similarly” because he was too lazy to look up the pronunciation when he copied it from somebody else.

Some day, they’ll crucify that poor SOB, and a centurion who looks strangely familiar will solemnly intone, “Truly, this wuz the son of Lucianne.”