On the heels of finding out that Mitt Romney likes to keep them damn reefer smoking kids off of his lawn private beach, we now find out that when Mitt was a young prankster he liked to indulge in the type of youthful hijinks normally associated with serial killers, and dress up as a police officer and pull people over for ….well, who knows what transpired on those lonely Michigan backroads? Maybe he tried to convert people. Pay attention LDS! There are no curtains for people to hide behind when they are pulled over on the side of the road under the color of fake authority. Score bonus Moroni points!

Oh, yes, the “dress up” thing:

When Mitt Romney was a college freshman, he told fellow residents of his Stanford University dormitory that he sometimes disguised himself as a police officer – a crime in many states, including Michigan and California, where he then lived. And he had the uniform on display as proof.

So recalls Robin Madden, who had also just arrived as a freshman, the startling incident began when Romney called him and two or three other residents into his room, saying, “Come up, I want to show you something.” When they entered Romney’s room, “and laid out on his bed was a Michigan State Trooper’s uniform.”

Madden, a native Texan who graduated from Stanford in 1970 and went on to become a successful television producer and writer, has never forgotten that strange moment, which he has recounted to friends over the years as he observed his former classmate’s political ascent. The National Memo learned of the incident from a longtime Madden friend to whom he had mentioned it years ago.

Said Madden in a recent interview, “He told us that he had gotten the uniform from his father,” George Romney, then the Governor of Michigan, whose security detail was staffed by uniformed troopers. “He told us that he was using it to pull over drivers on the road. He also had a red flashing light that he would attach to the top of his white Rambler.”

In Madden’s recollection, confirmed by his wife Susan, who also attended Stanford during those years, “we thought it was all pretty weird. We all thought, ‘Wow, that’s pretty creepy.’ And after that, we didn’t have much interaction with him,” although both Madden and Romney were prep school boys living in the same dorm, called Rinconada.

In no way should this infer that (spolier alert!) just because Mitt happened to be the son of a wealthy industrialist that doesn’t mean that he used to kidnap and mutilate women in  a secret underground torture chamber like the one in  The Girl With Dragon Tattoo. To even think that would be really unfair, unless it suddenly occurs to authorities in Paris to reopen the file on all of those unsolved murders that occurred in the French countryside between the years 1966 and 1968… But, hey, that’s their problem, since those stupid cheese-eating surrender monkeys obviously couldn’t catch a serial killer if he was knocking on their front door and wearing a bike helmet.

Anyway, the whole fakey-coppy thing has a long history with Romney brand, as evidenced by one of their greatest hits from the ’08 season:

A top aide to Mitt Romney has resigned amid accusations that he impersonated a police officer and distributed fake badges to staff.

Jay Garrity, who had been on leave from his position as the Romney campaign’s director of operations since earlier impersonation allegations surfaced, stepped down Friday following a report in The Boston Herald in which unidentified people accused him of distributing badges to members of the advance team to gain early access to event venues, control crowds and reporters and avoid paying a highway toll.

Also, too, Mitt threw Garrity under the police bus:

After New York Times reporter Mark Leibovich reported on June 16 that an aide to Mitt Romney — later identified as Jay Garrity, Romney’s director of operations — had ordered him to stop following Romney’s car on a campaign trip to New Hampshire, Romney’s campaign denied that Leibovich’s car was ever pulled over.

Now another reporter is saying she had an experience similar to Leibovich’s account. Marcia Vickers, a senior writer with Fortune magazine, said that while trailing Romney in New Hampshire on Memorial Day for a forthcoming magazine piece, Garrity instructed her at one point to stop tailing Romney’s car.

[...]

The incident with Leibovich, in which Garrity, by Leibovich’s account, also told him he had run his license plate number, has prompted an investigation by the New Hampshire attorney general’s office. State law prohibits private citizens from accessing license plate databases or pulling over fellow citizens. Garrity is now on paid leave amid an investigation by Massachusetts State Police into whether he impersonated a state trooper in a May 13 phone call to a Wilmington company.

Romney, asked at a Boston fund-raising event today about Garrity, said, “My view on Jay is at this stage, I give him the benefit of the doubt. I hope other people do, too.”

Romney declined to say much more, citing the ongoing investigation. “He’s a good guy and [I] wish him the very best, but this is really now in his hands,” Romney said.

This is why Mitt works solo.

Fucking amateur left witnesses…