To the surprise of very few and the dismay of millions of American housewives who would prefer a silver-haired articulate lean man-machine who probably smells good all of the time compared to that grotesque hairy-backed beast over there butt-welded to the barcalounger when he’s not dispensing “forty seconds of pleasure” in the conjugal bed, Anderson Cooper admitted that, given his druthers, he prefers his genitalia of choice to be more outie than innie.

Hearing this, Brent Bozell, who got his start serving under closeted gay Terry Dolan, sent his wingman Tim Graham on a gay spelunking tour of Anderson Cooper’s homoeuvre looking for examples of Anderson covertly shoving his Cooper down America’s throat.

First, according to Graham, here are the pertinent quotes (YOU LIE, ANDERSON!) that Cooper gave for hiding his gayness in plain sight for all of these years:

…as a society we are moving toward greater inclusion and equality for all people, the tide of history only advances when people make themselves fully visible.

[...]

I’m not an activist, but I am a human being and I don’t give that up by being a journalist.

[...]

I’ve never wanted to be any kind of reporter other than a good one, and I do not desire to promote any cause other than the truth.

…and, after peeking through the media glory hole,  here are a buttload of Cooper’s  crimes against opposite marriage that Tim came up with:

On June 30, 1997, then-ABC reporter Anderson Cooper provided a long, sympathetic portrait of two elderly gay males marching in New York City’s annual Gay Pride parade. Carole Simpson introduced the story: “The question of legalizing gay marriages has become a political issue this year, but for many gay couples a longtime committed relationship is as sacred as a marriage.” No one opposed to gay marriage was invited to appear.

Shorter: Anderson didn’t have anyone on to call the two men a “couple of old fruits”. No balance!

On November 28, 2007, Cooper began moderating a Republican debate by telling the viewers at home “all the questions tonight come from you.” Standing up in the audience after being flown in by the debate organizers, retired general Keith Kerr threw a hardball question at the Republican contenders about the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy toward gays in the military. He listed his military credentials and proclaimed he was gay, and then said “I want to know why you think that American men and women in uniform are not professional enough to serve with gays and lesbians?” After several candidate answers, Gen. Kerr interrupted and began lecturing the Republicans on how insensitive they are to gays in the military. Bloggers quickly discovered Kerr was a Hillary Clinton supporter, and not just a supporter, but a man whose name was listed as part of the Clinton campaign’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Steering Committee. CNN claimed they had no idea.

Shorter: Anderson Cooper should have known that Kerr was a gay who worked for well-known lesbian Hillary Clinton.

– On April 14, 2009, Cooper crudely joked with David Gergen that the Tea Party were “tea-baggers,” crude sexual slang for testicles on someone’s face. “It’s hard to talk when you’re tea-bagging,” Cooper said.

Shorter: blow jobs and scrotalingus are  sexual activities exclusive to homosexual men. At least that’s what Mrs. Graham keeps telling Tim no matter how much he whines….

– On March 11, 2010, Cooper heralded the “extraordinary transformation” of transgender activist Chastity “Chaz” Bono – meaning her breast-removal surgery. Cooper oozed, “In a rare interview, he [Chastity] talks about life as a man and the journey he’s still undergoing.” He used the politically correct terms in softball questions: “And you talked about top surgery. What was that process like?” He asked Bono if she was happy and how she felt about shaving.

Shorter: Tim calls his ‘moobs’ and if it’s good enough for Tim, it’s good enough for Chaz.

– On October 6, 2010, Cooper tossed softball questions at gay University of Michigan student body president Chris Armstrong, and labeled him “remarkably strong” in light of attacks he received online from Michigan Assistant Attorney General Andrew Shirvell, after crusading against Shirvell in five out of his last seven programs. Somehow, the student government in Ann Arbor was top national news to Cooper, if to no one else.

Shorter: Because of Anderson Cooper, Andrew Shrivell, a Michigan assistant state attorney general, was unfairly discharged for cyber-stalking a gay college student from work and then lying about it, but he was actually exercising his freedom of association and speech just like the founders (who were visionaries)  intended even though the internet and homosexuals had yet to be invented in the late eighteenth century.

There you have it, Anderson Cooper’s fifteen year reign of homosexual indoctrination so subtle and devious that it flew under your Aunt Sophie’s gaydar and now she knows why Anderson Cooper will never settle down with a nice girl like, say, Jodie Foster because I hear she’s available.

Such a lovely girl … just hasn’t found Mr. Right.