Happy 4th of July fellow commieatheistmuslinamericahaters! Here at the beach we are socked in under heavy cloud cover leaving thousands of San Diegans and interlopers from Arizona hunkered together for warmth in 63 degree weather (or “the amusement park rises bold and stark. Kids are huddled on the beach in a mist” if you are Chris Christie). In San Diego weather like this is considered slightly above freezing, so shut up and eat your personal-sized watermelon before it ices over, stupid tourists!

Meanwhile in the Heartland of America, Real Americans with Common Sense Conservative Principles are shoving massive quantities of  barbequed meats and potato salad into their fat fuck faces while sadly waving American flags and sparklers because this will be The Last Independence Day EVER because some black guy broke America:

It was a nice run, America, but traitorous dickhead John Roberts conspired with Barry Soetero NObama to smother American Exceptionalism in its crib with socialism healthcare and next year we’ll probably be just a shell of our former selves celebrating some kind of Summer Solstice Kwanza fetus harvest.

There will also be an airing of grievances followed by pudding.

Fetus pudding.

It tastes like the salty tears of the Baby Jesus.