Plus-sized model, Chris Christie (R-Jersey Shore), has been tabbed to be the keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention where he is expected to to berate working families by telling them “I gotcher free lunch rite’cher” while groping in the general vicinity of where he thinks his nuts reside, nestled somewhere beneath the meat apron that is the foundation for the flesh mudslide that is his upper body from which, in the humid Tampa summer,  will flow rivers of sweat that will make the Johnstown flood look like a leaky toilet.

Okay. That’s all the fat jokes I have, so… Christie:

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie will deliver the keynote address at next month’s Republican National Convention in Tampa, FL.

NBC News’ Jamie Gangel reported Wednesday that Christie would be afforded the plum speaking slot at the convention, a gig that sometimes serves as a launching pad for political figures with ambitions of higher office.

The selection of Christie, though, would seem to suggest that Christie is not likely the choice by Mitt Romney to serve as the GOP’s vice presidential nominee. Typically, the keynote speaker is separate from the vice presidential nominee, who, like the presidential nominee, speaks on separate nights.

Republicans have not yet released a detailed itinerary of the speaking schedule for their convention.

Needless to say, announcing Christie first is highly unusual  because everyone knows that when you’re choosing up sides, you always pick the fat kid last.

Yeah. I guess I had one more in me.

Sorry.