Today, while most right-thinking Americans are demonstrating their love for Jesus and their hate of homos by eating deep-fried diabetes sandwiches at Chick-fil-A, normal Americans who are more concerned with what is going on in their own pants are getting some free sexy stuff from Barack Obama’s Smooth Love Sexytime socialist government:

 Beginning today, up to 47 million women may be eligible to get free access to preventive health care services as that provision of President Barack Obama’s Affordable Care Act goes into effect.

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Under the new provision that goes into effect August 1, 2012, women will be eligible to receive the following eight services without paying a co-pay:

 

  • Well-woman visits, including an annual check-up for adult women to get recommended preventive services, and additional visits if women and their doctors determine them necessary.
  • Contraception and contraceptive counseling: Women will have free access to all FDA-approved contraceptive methods, sterilization procedures and patient education and counseling without a co-pay. Most workers in employer-sponsored plans are currently covered for contraceptives.
  • Gestational diabetes screening for women 24 to 28 weeks pregnant, and those at high risk of developing gestational diabetes. Women who have gestational diabetes have an increased risk of developing type 2 diabetes in the future and the children of women with gestational diabetes are at increased risk of being overweight and insulin-resistant during childhood.
  • HPV DNA testing every three years for women who are 30 or older, regardless of Pap smear results. HPV screening has been shown to help reduce the prevalence of cervical cancer.
  • Annual sexually transmitted infections (STI) counseling for sexually-active women. Such sessions have been shown to reduce risky behavior in patients; only 28 percent of women aged 18-44 years reported that they had discussed STIs with a doctor or nurse, according to HHS.
  • HIV screening and counseling for sexually-active women. From 1999 to 2003, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported a 15 percent increase in AIDS cases among women, and a 1 percent increase among men, suggesting an increased risk for women.
  • Breastfeeding support, supplies, and counseling for pregnant and postpartum women, including access to comprehensive lactation support and counseling from trained providers, as well as breastfeeding equipment.
  • Interpersonal and domestic violence screening and counseling for all adolescent and adult women. An estimated 25 percent of U.S. women report being targets of intimate partner violence during their lifetimes and screening will lead to interventions to increase their safety.

That’s right ladies: free birth control! Woo hoo! You can now cancel your monthly abortion appointment which will leave time for more important pursuits like witchcraft, being lesbians,  marrying and promptly divorcing men in order to steal all their monies, and most importantly: being uppity and not knowing your place! Obviously, this is good news for Chunky Reese Witherspoon and bad news for the forced birth crowd, but cheer up little godmonkeys; that diabetes screening is going to come in mighty handy after spending the day shoving greasy stuff in your mouth on National Chick-fil-Atio Day.