The tragedy is that you put actual thought into your version.

That’s the closest thing to literal fellatio I’ve seen in a while. “When conservatives praise the Wisconsin congressman for his courage, this willingness to ask more of his own party is a big part of what they have in mind.” And when Douthat smacks his lips and gets right down to business with his newest BFF, one has to wonder: is there anything at all going on in his mind?

In the room the pundits come and go
After licking Ryan down below.

Kinda beat me to it MLJ! Dang!

I grow old. I grow old. I wear a suit jacket two sizes too big for me. (Damn. That doesn’t scan.)

Try again…

I measure out my vouchers with coffee spoons.

I have heard the Rubins singing, each to each.

There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to eat the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and eat brains,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a brain on your plate;

Brains…

No! I am not King Reagan, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a rally, stop a bill or two,
Advise the Mitt; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, smarmy, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
And, most of the time, the Fool.

I love you guys; you all, including our host, collectively win the intertubes for today.

That is all.

I saw that this morning and had to laugh out loud (but could not bring myself to destroy any more brain cells by reading it). Why wouldn’t moderates embrace the most conservative VP candidate in a century who describes himself as among the 10% most conservative politicians in the country?

Douthat:

an honest assessment of Ryan’s record requires acknowledging that he’s made his own party substantially more responsible and rigorous, while also challenging some of the self-deceptions that are endemic on the Democratic side of the aisle.

WTF?

Honestly it’s more Suess than Eliot.

I did read it.

Holy Shit is all I can reply.

I am a CPA who does taxes for a living. Our tax code is set up to funnel as much money into the stock market as possible. I know this, because the Roth IRA was created in order to keep money in Wall Street. (IRA and 401(k)’s all have required minimum distributions when you reach 70 1/2). In 2012, it was said we would have 80 million people with IRA’s in the stock market over 70 1/2.

Paul Ryan wife is a tax lawyer. These people know what the tax code does, and who it benefits. Ryan’s budget, would benefit Wall Street even more.

The thing is, it is actually working for the Repubs. I have clients who bitch about AIG employees eating at his restaurant with ‘government money’ while at the same time insisting that the top corporate rate be reduced.

I had to explain to him that taking money our of your customers hands to give it to the corporate owned Applebees down the fucking road might not be whats good for your business.

For Walt, who is buried a few mere miles from the Hatmandu abode:

Oh Mittens! My Mittens!

That budget has plenty of faults, to be sure. But some of its more obvious problems reflect his party’s continuing deficiencies rather than Ryan’s.

Did Ross the Douth-hat
mean to say that?
Does this mean that
Ryan’s down on the mat?
How to praise Ryan
Takes a mighty big bat.

Have no fear, little peons,
Said Ross the Douth-hat.
These Ryan Things are
good Things.
And he gave us all a pat.

You and I are thinking the same thing… heh…

{sniff} That was beautiful, man.

I stand in awe of all you poets! The Creaturette can sling serious verse, but I can only watch it flow and enjoy it.

Hatmandu- I had to memorize that poem for recitation (7th grade?) and I remember most of it. Your version is an improvement (IMHO).

Wild applause. Brilliant, all of you.

Since I cannot compete, I’ll just quote: “Power and greed and corruptible seed / Seem to be all that there is“

Damn you all and your little classic educations too! I think the Fap in the Hat deserves a more manly tribute:

Movin’, movin’, movin’,
Though they’re disapprovin’,
Keep them sheeple movin’, Douthat.
Don’t try to understand ‘em,
Just rope an’ throw an’ brand ‘em.
Soon you’ll be living high and wide.
‘Cause I’m calculatin’,
Your payoff will be waitin’:
Waitin’ at the end of this ride.

Starve ‘em out, fuck ‘em up,
Fuck ‘em up, shine ‘em on.
Starve ‘em out, fuck ‘em up:
Cat Food.
One percent, trickle down,
Supply side, deficit,
Trickle down, one percent:
Cat Food!

[fx: frequent manly whip cracks]

Sure, I like both kinds of poetry. Country and Western.

Bloody WordPress formatting. Do carriage returns mean nothing??? {edit: now it’s working. wtf?}

My humble contribution, though not on the sublime level of Argonaut, Hatmandu, and our noble host:

‘Twas brillig, and the slithy Kochs
Did hire the himbo for the Mitt;
All flimsy were the pundit folks —
As usual, full of shit.

I am Mitt
Mitt the Twit

That Mitt-the-Twit!
That Mitt-the-Twit!
I do not like
that Mitt-the-Twit!

Do you like
a sandwich of shit?

I do not like it
Mitt-the-Twit.
I do not like
a sandwich of shit.

Would you like it
here or there?

I would not like it
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
sandwiches of shit.
I do not like them,
Mitt-the-Twit.

Would you like it
in your foreclosed house?
Would you like it
with your spouse?

I do not like them
in my foreclosed house.
I do not like them
with my spouse.
I do not like them
here or there.
I do not like them
anywhere.
I do not like sandwiches of shit.
I do not like them, Mitt-the-Twit.

Would you eat them
in a voting booth?
Would you eat them
with your remaining tooth?

Not in a booth.
Not with my tooth.
Not in my foreclosed house.
Not with my spouse.
I would not eat them here or there.
I would not eat them anywhere.
I would not eat sandwiches of shit.
I do not like them, Mitt-the-Twit.

Would you? Could you?
Under a bridge?
Eat them! Eat them!
Fresh from the fridge!

I would not,
could not,
under a bridge.

But you will like them.
You will see.
When they provide
tax cuts for me!

I would not, could not, tax cuts or no.
Not under a bridge! You shameless ho.

I do not like them in a booth.
I would not eat them with my tooth.
I do not like them in my foreclosed house.
I do not like them with my spouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like sandwiches of shit.
I do not like them, Mitt-the-Twit.

A debtor’s jail! A debtor’s jail!
Could you, would you,
in a debtor’s jail?

Not in a jail! Not for your tax cuts!
Not under a bridge! Mitt! You’re nuts!

I would not, could not, in a booth.
I would not, could not, with my tooth.
I will not eat them with my spouse.
I will not eat them in a foreclosed house.
I will not eat them here or there.
I will not eat them anywhere.
I do not like sandwiches of shit.
I do not like them, Mitt-the-Twit.

Say!
In a refrigerator box?
Here in this refrigerator box!
Would you, could you, in this refrigerator box?

I would not, could not,
in a refrigerator box.

Would you, could you,
at a food pantry?

& etc…..

All of you are beyond brilliant. But Jenn gets my marriage proposal.

Oh, would you, could you?

Fabulous. Ross proves once again that it’s possible to lie through one’s teeth even with a mouthful of gooper-jism.

Dayum

You sure know how to git a fellas foot a tappin.

There was a young man from Wisconsin,

And that’s about all the effort I’m willing to put into versifying about that young jackanapes. Either one, really. At least Ryan has something that look at first glance like principles. Anti-Christian, perhaps, but to some folks a principle’s a principle. Come to think of it, though, I shouldn’t make too much about it – a shark has much the same set of principles as the Randers, but a shark is more refreshing in that he or she doesn’t attempt to dress them up as Philosophy. God help us – Ayn Rand is to philosophy as _1066 And All That_ is to history, except that Rand was dead serious.

*snort* i needed a spew alert. You folks have made my day … “would you, could you …” made me laugh out loud. But there’s a lotta brilliance going on.

I think we need a haiku:

Mittens now has Ryan
Spawn of Janesville and Ayn Rand
What a double putz

Beyond verrrrry clever. Fantastic, indeed. I hope you publish and succeed…..

Jenn, you are lucky that Dr. Seuss is dead and buried. :-)

Down here in Texas we got a sayin’….That’s slicker than deer guts on a doorknob.”

Some say the world will end in ice, some say in fire. But what I know of Mitt and Ryan, I favor a diesel-soaked, flaming, worn out tire. But if I had to choose twice, I could settle on enemas of dry ice. That would certainly suffice. Or, just burn them, separately, but twice. The folky cure for body lice.

“This one’s a favorite of the horn section…”

Ryans die many times before their death
The valiant never taste of death but once
Of all the budgets that I yet have heard
It seems most strange that men should fear
Seeing that tax cuts, a necessary end
Will come when they will come

“Beware the JabberKochs, my son!
The dweebs that bite, the claws with cash!
Beware them all, and shun also
The Coulter Bandersnatch!”

You said “snatch”.

Mr. Toad issues a dare, so……

There once was a man from Wisconsin
Who was born with a very small johnson
He made up for his gland
By reading Ayn Rand
And now he’s as smart as a pumpkin.

Because I do not hope to run again
Because I do not hope
Because I do not hope to run again
Desiring this man’s gift and that man’s scope
I no longer strive to strive towards such gains
(Why should the aged eagle crash more planes?)
Why should I mourn
The vanished power of the candidacy?

Because I do not hope to say again
I have a plan to get Osama
Because I do not really know
But I will unless you elect Obama
Because I cannot drink
There, where trees flower, and springs flow, for there are goddamn kids on my lawn again

Myohmy: I think you just won the Internets today! w00t!

w

Here it goes:

This follower of Thomas Aquainas
Whose views are really quite heinous
He says “I got mine”
‘fuck you, I’m doing fine’
and generally acts like your typical anus.

One for the Scot’s in the house!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……

Mittens is dead and Ryan don’t know it,
Ryan is dead and Mittens don’t know it,
They’re both lying dead in the same fucking bed,
And neither one knows the other is dead….

(Now down a glass of Lagavulin 16 year old and begin again)

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……….

or if you prefer:

For a follower of Thomas Aquanias
His views are really quite heinous
His “I’m doing fine
so fuck you, ’cause i got mine’
makes him sound like a Randian anus

And of course, a qualifier @42 for any right wing offal lurking about that may get their panties in a bunch, ‘dead’ in this case is referring to their dead campaign hopes. Wolverines!

Congratulations!
You may be the Vee Pee!
You’re off to Virginia–
You’ll be on Tee Vee!

You have zombie eyes,
and you aren’t very smart,
And according to rumors
you don’t have a heart.
But you have a nice smile–and you know how to lie
Plus you’re Catholic! So you know where you’ll go when you die.

You’ll meet thousands of people,
visit dozens of fairs;
you’ll field many questions–
saying: “Not goin’ there….”
Your Randian theories should be quite a hit
with math-impaired seniors and your BFF Mitt!

At times you’ll despair.
You may want to quit.
The Liberals are smart–
and they don’t take no shit!

But the one percent
Are heaven sent.

They have all the money
and spread it they do–
to people who kiss ass
and pander like YOU!

And when bad things happen
(–they usually do,)
blame the MSM.
They’re all liberals too!

OH! THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

Your polls will be soaring
to dizzying heights.
You’ll rock with high rollers.
You’ll sling verbal slights.

You won’t lag behind,
’cause you’re backed by the BASE–
whom you’ll pander to shamelessly–
such a disgrace!

Whenever you fly
you’ll travel first class.
PR flacks will keep you
from being an ass.

Except when they don’t.
Because sometimes they won’t.

It’s sad but true
I’m sorry to say.
Political treachery
is the American way.

etc….

There’s lots of Dr. Seuss I don’t know, due to a dearth of little kids in our family, but after looking up the original of this, I must say: You’ve got brains in your head!

This is just to say

I have eaten
the monies
that were in
the treasury

and which
you were probably
saving
for retirement

Forgive me
they were lying there
so I took them
before you got old

I was the shadow of the wingnut slain
By the false decrees of the Mitt campaign;

an effort worthy of an extraordinary comment thread.

With one caveat,* this entire thread – OP and comments – is glorious.

*This all reminds me of where I stand, talent-wise… you bastids.

Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be, eh? Right, then [spits on hands, rolls up sleeves, coughs twice, has a beer, dozes for a half-hour, remembers he's at work and groans back to his feet]:
*ahem* [holds up large flower]
There was a young man from Wisconsin
Who thought that Ayn Rand was beyond sin
Though raised by the New Deal
He knew it was too corrupting for the rest of the country who didn’t have his morals and strength of character, so he decided to do everything in his power to make sure that everyone who didn’t have the foresight to be born into wealth was forced to build character the old-fashioned way by peonage until they considerately died and reduced the surplus population.
Thank You[/Charlie Gibson]

I had a little trouble with the meter in that last bit, but hopefully nobody will notice.
[formatting? what formatting?]
edit: @ Hogeye Grex: You da man! (or woman, as the case may be)

So, now I know that doing an edit removes all the formatting from a comment. OK, next time, I won’t deface a work of art that way – double-posting is the way to go!
edit – whaaaaaaaaa? It’s back! I feel so refweshed!
editII – of course now this one is unformatted. What a world, what a world, ….

That’s a fine limerick ya’ got there, Mr Toad. Be a shame if anything happened to it ……………..

Your Friend, the Format Demon.