If you’ve ever asked the age old question, “How are you gonna keep them down on the farm (with their clothes on) once they’ve seen the Sea of Galilee?” Republican Congressman Kevin Yoder of Kansas has an answer for you.
While on one of those phoney-baloney AIPAC “fact-finding junkets” vacation thingys in the Holy Land, a bunch of Republicans were partying like it was 29 AD, got ripped to the gills on Manischewitz (Jewish Zima) and next thing you know clothes were flying off and everyone was a’splishing and a’splashing in the throes of some kind of sex-rapture aquatic-orgy in the sacred water upon which Jesus once moon-walked. First in to Shrinkage City was Kevin Yoder who showed the Middle East and other Congress-people’s families what it’s like to rock out with your cock out.
The FBI probed a late-night swim in the Sea of Galilee that involved drinking, numerous GOP freshmen lawmakers, top leadership staff – and one nude member of Congress, according to more than a dozen sources, including eyewitnesses.
During a fact-finding congressional trip to the Holy Land last summer, Rep. Kevin Yoder (R-Kan.) took off his clothes and jumped into the sea, joining a number of members, their families and GOP staff during a night out in Israel, the sources told POLITICO. Other participants, including the daughter of another congressman, swam fully clothed while some lawmakers partially disrobed. More than 20 people took part in the late-night dip in the sea, according to sources who were participants in the trip.
Testify, Brother Yoder:
“A year ago, my wife, Brooke, and I joined colleagues for dinner at the Sea of Galilee in Israel. After dinner I followed some Members of Congress in a spontaneous and very brief dive into the sea and regrettably I jumped into the water without a swimsuit,” Yoder said in a statement to POLITICO. “It is my greatest honor to represent the people of Kansas in Congress and [for] any embarrassment I have caused for my colleagues and constituents, I apologize.”Travis Smith, Yoder’s chief of staff, told POLITICO “Neither Congressman Yoder, nor his staff, have been interviewed by the FBI.
You can make your own joke about the FBI attempting to interview Yoder’s ‘staff’, because I have standards.
And. if you’re like me and like to imagine your congressperson entering a drunken wet t-shirt contest before throwing the hotel room keys in a souvenir yarmulke and then pairing off for a little Nativity Nookie with some strange stuff, here’s the roster to see if you’re one of the lucky constituents:
These GOP sources confirmed the following freshmen lawmakers also went swimming that night: Rep. Steve Southerland (R-Fla.) and his daughter; Rep. Tom Reed (R-N.Y.) and his wife; Reps. Ben Quayle (R-Ariz.), Jeff Denham (R-Calif.) and Michael Grimm (R-N.Y.). Many of the lawmakers who ventured into the lake said they did so because of the religious significance of the waters. Others said they were simply cooling off after a long day. Several privately admitted that alcohol may have played a role in why some of those present decided to jump in.
Tour guide Eric Cantor was not amused:
Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.), who was the senior most GOP lawmaker in Israel on the trip, was so upset about the antics that he rebuked the 30 lawmakers the morning after the Aug. 18, 2011, incident, saying they were distracting from the mission of the trip.
Dude is such a downer. I bet that is when he told Ben Quayle and Yoder that the Gaza Strip was not, in fact, a titty bar.
Might as well have stayed home and gone to fucking Epcot…