Tonight is the night when Ann Romney, who is just like Martha Stewart but without the girlish flirtatiousness, will take her case to You People about why You People should vote for You People’s next president who will be…  shuffles papers… double checks.. oh, yes, that guy she sleeps with: Carlo the Pool Boy Mitt Romney.

Here is you Official Ann Romney You People Drinking Game rules:

  • Mentions MS or cancer – take sympathetic drink
  • Grandchildren – drink
  • Importance of family -drink
  • Importance of faith – drink
  • Importance of fiber – drink Metamucil
  • Five “strapping young lads” – five drinks
  • Seamus- drink out of the dog bowl
  • Salt Lake Olympics – drink five 3.2% beers without using a coaster and make 5 interlocking rings on the coffee table. Get sued by the International Olympic committee.
  • CostCo – drink boxed wine. Eat entire 5-pound barrel of Cheezey Snacks
  • Mitt is actually very funny/zany/goofy – huff Krylon
  • Mentions tax returns – Romney campaign staff starts drinking. Heavily.
  • Mentions Cayman Islands – drink a piña colada
  • Mentions Swiss bank account- drink Swiss Miss with a Jäger shot
  • Dressage – sniff glue made from the late great Rafalca. Fucking loser.
  • Car elevator – keg stand
  • Mitt is a “gentle and attentive lover” – put a roofie in your drink before drinking
  • 50 Shades of Grey – stop drinking,  drink coffee, pay attention because this could get good
  • Paul Ryan is a “gentle and attentive lover” – Wait… what?
  • Says “Fuck it, you people don’t deserve my Mitt. I fucking hate all of you worthless peasants. Looosers! You’re all loooosers!” – propose a toast to new Republican presidential nominee Sarah Palin.

Then drink…