Skip Bayless confesses to a love/hate relationship with Juicebox Jesus:
The God’s truth: I never much cared for Tebow when he played at Florida. I met him at last year’s Super Bowl, and interviewed him, only because he requested the session. I do not stay in touch with him. I’ve criticized him on air several times for the several shirtless pictures for which he has posed, criticized his post-loss comments about how football isn’t nearly as important as his missionary work and criticized him for spending too much time on self-promotion after signing with two of the biggest talent agencies in Hollywood — Creative Artists Agency and William Morris.
The astonishingly missed point:
I’VE BEEN EXTREMELY OBJECTIVE ABOUT TIM TEBOW.
And that’s my problem: I’m one of the very few commentators who have been objective about Tebow’s ability to win football games. I merely dared to say Tebow could be a successful starting quarterback in the National Football League — not a Pro Bowler, mind you, just a guy who could win games his way. Which prompted relentless attacks from anti-Tebow analysts and journalists. Which prompted me to defend my position. I wasn’t “loving” Tebow as much as I was defending him. The more I was ridiculed, the harder I fought back — always in the spirit of “give this kid a break.”
While Peter King, who will never love Tim Tebow in the deeply emotional and satisfying way that he loved Brett Favre, has a disappointment with the Jets:
Disappointment of the first quarter of the season: the invisibility of Tim Tebow.
Through four games, his underwhelming numbers:
Snaps from scrimmage — 31.
Snaps on special teams — 25.
Rushes — 9 for 38 yards, no touchdowns.
Passes — 1 of 1, 9 yards, no touchdowns, one sack.
Touches on special teams — 0.
Total — 56 plays, 47 yards rushing/passing, no TDs.My personal favorite game of Tebow’s was the 19-snap, five-yard, one-sack performance at Miami in Week 3.
I don’t buy the Wildcat doesn’t work in the NFL anymore. Check out the production of Colin Kaepernick, the hugely less famous Wildcat quarterback/backup quarterback, in 39 fewer plays over five games: 17 plays, 88 yards (all rushing), one touchdown. (That does not include the final 12 plays of the Niners’ rout of Buffalo Sunday, in which Kaepernick replaced Alex Smith as the regular quarterback.)
If the Jets have been waiting to unveil Special Teams Timmy or Secret Weapon Timmy, tonight might be a good time, when vastly undermanned New York faces the superior Texans.
As Kurt Cobain once yowled:
Here we are now, entertain us.





26 Comments
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No matter how the Jets lose, we’ll still get to point at Rex Ryan and laugh.
But I do love the idea of replacing Sanchez with Tebow, sometime in the third quarter. It reminds me of when as a teenager, my friends and I played Backyard Boxing (using real boxing gloves and a makeshift ring). I was losing and thought, “I’ll switch to southpaw, just like Rocky!”
It was the last thing I remember from that fight.
Time for Tim.
Optional soundtrack to this post: http://youtu.be/ebj_e4VagcA
Y’all are speaking some language I know nothing of. Carry on… [backs slowly out of the room]
Well crap.
SatanSanchez throws a TD. Why he hatin’ on god’s chosen?Tebow runs for a first down on a fake punt.
Fired up, Sanchez goes 3 and out on the new set of downs.
Jets flailing in first half, Houston’s running back with nearly as many yards as Jets’ entire offense.
That Rex Ryan is crafty, suckering his opponent in for an amazing Tebow Time finish!
*heh* I’ll be watching next Monday’s game, when my Donkeys’ visit Chez Tbogg’s Dolts…! I wonder if Tbogg will even be able to watch it…? Would they dare blackout the Monday Nite Game in San Diego…? ;-)
Looking forward to giving God all the glory in tonight’s 666th Monday Night Football game. Romans 8:37-39
https://twitter.com/TimTebow/status/255349702172737536
SatanSanchez tosses an 80 yard near pick-6 demonstrating his love for god’s chosen baller.Christ, just start Tebow in the 2nd half so the
mockingmiracle can begin…Postgame: Thank Jesus I tossed 3 picks and lost this game for my team and the glory of god.
I prayed hard about it, and Jeebus told me it’s time for his ESPN covershot wearing a bridal dress next to Rex Ryan…
Skip Bayless just pooped himself. JuiceBox is his! That fatty Ryan better keep his hands off Skip’s true love.
That bastard Ryan!
god gave him a perfect TebowTime opportunity, 1st and 91 with 4 seconds left, with a chance to win and the fucker goes with
SatanSanchez?My god! My god!
Since we’re all hipsters here, I’ll supply the excellent cover: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHG6MxsoPiY
Here’s a revelation. Skip Bayless is full of shit.
Tim Tebow’s Skinless Sausage Shoppe.
Indeed. But in sum, what God did there was mysterious. I shall have to pray and pray about this; I know understanding will come, if I am deserving as I hope.
Maybe every down should be considered a Jets’ punting situation?
That music sounds pretty good, as does that suggested by captphealy at #3.
I’m not much of a sports person in general, but it seems that Mr. Tebow’s performances call for a different musical style, maybe something in the style of that goofy Korean thing,* with appropriate spliced video clips taken from, and lyrics inspired by this stadium evangelical.
*fyi/fwiw, interesting background on that video (via…via) by Korean rapper PSY. Turns out to be musical social criticism of the Korean version of nouveau riche, apparently.
Of course, Cobain eventually stuck the barrel of a shotgun in his mouth…
I continue to be amazed that Skip and Rick Bayless are actually related.
NFL quarterbacks have to be able to pass and their receivers have to be able to catch. The Jets have one quarterback who can pass a little, one who can’t, and receivers who have trouble catching the ball. They will be unsuccessful as long as they continue to drop balls. If the option worked in the NFL, we would see it in every game every Sunday, Monday and Thursday. It does not work — it is beyond obvious to everyone but the most overpaid sportswriter in history apparently that the jig is up for Timmy. As it will be for Kaepernick once the scouts get enough video. The Jets brought Tebow in late in the game and, because he is a shitty passer, the Texans buried him alive. From 10 yards out, Tebow is plenty scary; anywhere beyond that he’s just a guy with a great body and lousy mechanics.
Okay, you get to do the soundtrack for my life. Though because I love Mister Lindley, we have to work his cover of “Mercury Blues” in there somewhere.
And here is a little something for y’all that’s three decades old already but which somehow fits right in, inappropriate video and all..
That is phenomenal work: I criticize Tebow about his non-football activity and gush about his non-apparent football ability, thus I am very objective about Tebow.
FTW