Last night future Commander In Chief of America’s Light Cavalry and Grenadiers, General Mitt “Mitt” Romney was explaining how he will keep the dusky wogs who are a part of America’s Empire from getting too uppity and going all piratey and shit along the Barbary Coast or something where they will ransack ports o’ call for valuable doubloons, Groupon coupons and Demon Rum.
By God, Gentleman! This cannot be countenanced! Harumph harumph!
Here, let General Mitt ‘splain it to you:
Secondly, Syria’s an opportunity for us because Syria plays an important role in the Middle East, particularly right now. Syria is Iran’s only ally in the Arab world. It’s their route to the sea.
Well, not really…
Syria is not Iran’s route to the sea.
Iran has 1,520 miles of coastline comprising the eastern edge of the Persian Gulf, including valuable property on the eastern shore of the Strait of Hormuz.
Iran also has access to the Gulf of Oman, leading directly to the Indian Ocean, and possesses a Navy.
Iran also has 460 miles of coastline on the Caspian sea as well.
Moreover, Iran does not share a common border with Syria, as the entire nation of Iraq and portions of Turkey lie between the two countries.
But other than that…. totally landlocked. No beach days. Might as well live in fucking Kansas….
But how could man-of-the-world Mitt have made the kind of mistake that would be,like, a $200 question on Jeopardy? Here, we will let Romney spokeslady Andrea Saul explain the problem:
Fortunately Mitt will always have Dan Senor close at hand to tell him where Israel is and, when it comes to Neo-Cons, that’s all you really need to know…