Previously former Governor Mitt “Mitt” Romney did not understand how the Gheys were having their gay babies together, what with the matched sets of vags and peens; how does this work? Nowadays he can just have a father/spawn talk with son Tagg “Tagg” Romney about these how fake babies are made and suddenly, for Mitt, all of those all those old turkey baster jokes would make sense.

Robotic ha ha ha.

But back when Mitt was governancing communist paradise Massachusetts this gay baby thing was a total mystery to him so he absolutely refused to validate the gay babies tickets because they obviously didn’t exist and to do so would have been baby fraud or maybe hetero-baby blood libel.

…after gays and lesbians in Massachusetts won the right to marry in 2003, Governor Romney wouldn’t allow the Registry of Vital Records and Statistics to revise birth certificate forms for babies born to same-sex couples. The plan was to have the box for “father,” for example, relabeled “father or second parent.” But according to documents obtained by Waas, Romney rejected the plan, demanding the agency continue using old forms. Romney then demanded hospitals get permission from his office each time a child was born to a same sex-couple in order to cross out, with a pen, the label “father” or “mother,” and write-in, with a pen, “second parent.” (Romney also required gay male parents to get a court order before any birth certificate was issued.)

[...]

Romney hadn’t even previously fathomed that gay people had children. Boston Spirit magazine reported last month that when gay activists met with him in his office in 2004, as Romney was backing a failed constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage in the state, Romney remarked, “I didn’t know you had families.” Julie Goodridge, lead plaintiff in the landmark case that won marriage rights for gays and lesbians before the Supreme Judicial Court, asked what she should tell her 8-year-old daughter about why the governor would block the marriage of her parents. According to Goodridge, Romney responded,”I don’t really care what you tell your adopted daughter. Why don’t you just tell her the same thing you’ve been telling her the last eight years.”

That the governor was a giant douchebag? Well, that would be a start and not entirely inaccurate.

Months after his battle with the Registry of Vital Records began, as Wass reports in the Globe, Romney spoke before the Senate Judiciary Committee in Washington:

He outlined his misgivings about the request from the Registry of Vital Records. “The children of America have the right to have a father and a mother,” Romney said in his prepared remarks. “What should be the ideal for raising a child? Not a village, not ‘parent A’ and ‘parent B,’ but a mother and a father.” Romney also warned about the societal impact of gay parents raising children. “Scientific studies of children raised by same-sex couples are almost nonexistent,” he said. “It may affect the development of children and thereby future society as a whole.”

The following year, 2005, Romney spoke to conservative voters in South Carolina, as he trained his eye on the presidency. “Some gays are actually having children born to them,” he said. “It’s not right on paper. It’s not right in fact. Every child has a right to a mother and father.”

Which would be one parent with a vagina and the other one with a penis, even if the penis does not work.  Like Tagg “Tagg” Romney’s.