Image: Banksy

I have been otherwise occupied, but here are some things that are supposedly things:

Shorter Newt Gingrich:

My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy Senator who knows this kid who’s going with the girl major network journalist who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night some secret Benghazi emails. I guess it’s pretty serious.

Might I just add that this rightwing obsession with Benghazi where Benghazi has grown to become 9/11 times the Holocaust plus the Rape of Nanking, is the most amazing wingnut freakout that I’ve seen since Hillary murdered her lesbian lover, Vince Foster, in Fort Marcy Park with a candlestick.

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Sweet Jeebus Driving A Forklift, could Breitbart’s Joel Pollack possibly be making a grab for Jim Hoft’s Stupidest Person On The Internet tiara?

Alex Pareene:

But my favorite explanation comes from genius political analyst Joel Pollack at Big Government, one of the increasingly easily ignorable stable of dumb blogs and lie-generation machines founded by the late Andrew Breitbart.

Here is Pollack’s theory: Christie is praising Obama because Mitt Romney is so far ahead that it doesn’t matter.

“But the truth about Christie’s outreach to Obama is blindingly obvious: Mitt Romney is now running away with this election, freeing Christie to praise the president without fear that doing so will tip the scales.”

Sometimes it is hard to believe that Illinois’s 9th congressional district passed on a catch like him.

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I was equally parts busy today as well as being on my best behavior so I did not wade into this post where I might of accidentally trampled some sand castles and knocked over some sparkle ponies, but it seems a heapin’ helpin’ of our brethren and sistren have a new neon idol in Matt Stoller ( who seems to be polishing up his resume since Pat Caddell can’t live forever … can he?) and they are rising to Matt’s defense because, who better to lead them out of the wilderness than a guy who policy advised Alan Grayson to a one and out congressional term, right?  Anyway, they are planning on destroying the village in order to save it and, as a bonus if you act now, drone-kill capitalism, reform the electoral process, turn water into wine with THEIR GOODNESS, and set up “Welcome Komradez!” tables up to process the masses who will see the light of sweet reason just like they did when they went through a similar cultural upheaval back in 2000:

Ralph Nader and Winona LaDuke 2,882,000 votes

Which created the Great Gratitude Groundswell that led to the Green Revolution of 2004:

David Cobb and Pat LaMarche 119,859 votes

If I remember correctly this was followed by harmony and understanding, sympathy and trust abounding, no more falsehoods or derisions, only golden living dreams of visions as well as a mystic crystal revelation of the mind’s true liberation.

Your mileage may have varied.

I should note that, with only a few days left, I’ve pretty much given up on trying to reason with people who treat a quadrennial election as “practice for crisis moments”. I think my time might be better spent with chatting amiably with people who think the moon landing was faked. They seem so much more grounded.

Vote for whomever, but just vote, okay?

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To recap Matt Boyle’s game-changing sex-scandal (MUST CREDIT DAILY CALLER!): Divorced New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez may or may not have sex with two very shy, but ‘beautiful’ prostitutes in the Dominican Republic where prostitution is legal.

BOOM!

Coming up; Matt Boyle’s 7-part investigation into allegations that gambling and prostitution is going on this very moment in Harry Reid’s home state and REID TOTALLY KNOWS ABOUT IT!!!!!

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Lastly, going out on a limb and presuming that Barack Obama somehow manages to eke out an electoral college win over Dr. Mrs. St. Jill Stein, as well as keeping in mind that Hillary Clinton has already declared her intention to step down as Secretary of State, I’m surprised that there hasn’t been more speculation that Obama might make her his next Supreme Court nominee as payment for not only for services rendered for the past four years but also for the Big Dog’s yeoman work on the campaign these past few months. Given Hillary’s stint in the Senate where she seems to have acquired many Republican admirers, it would be gamesmanship of the highest order and hella fun to watch. You may argue below.

Not that you didn’t already know that….