Who is up for some election day hijinks!
Yeah? Really? You are?
Okay, let’s do this thing!
It seems that the Teabaggers got a little more organized this year, outside of recruiting pro-rapey candidates, and they up and formed themselves a Concerned White Citizens Council-y thing charged with sittin’ around on their hoverounds at the polling places and making sure that the browns and the blahs don’t get uppity and try and white-man vote. This new group is called True The Vote:
True the Vote’s plan is to scrutinize the validity of voter registration rolls and voters who appear at the polls. Among those in their cross hairs: noncitizens who are registered to vote, those without proper identification, others who may be registered twice, and dead people. In Ohio and Indiana, True the Vote recently filed lawsuits to force officials to clean up voter rolls.
…and it was founded by Catherine Engelbrecht:
Ms. Engelbrecht, who at 42 is younger than most of the Tea Party members she addresses around the country, said that until four years ago she was apolitical, a churchgoing mother of two who ran a successful oil field machinery business with her husband in Fort Bend County, Tex.
“Then in 2008, I don’t know, something clicked,” she said. “I saw our country headed in a direction that, for whatever reason — it didn’t hit me until 2008 — this really threatens the future of our children.”
Weird. It was like there was something different or dark and sinister about the 2008 election that was unlike any previous presidential election but Catherine Engelbrecht just couldn’t put her finger on it. Maybe it will come to her later like a spook in the night….
But never mind that because this is where you come in because you care about America or maybe you’re just bored. One of those, same thing.
It goes without saying that most of the True The Vote people are either angry shut-ins or frustrated recently divorced housewives who have yet to get any nibbles on their Hannidate profiles (shhh, don’t tell them) so maybe you could bring a little sunshine and excitement into their lives by reaching out and describing in exquisite and elaborate detail, stories of busloads of sombrero-wearing ai-yi-yi-ing Zapatistas being dropped off at Nathan Bedford Forrest Elementary where they shoved their way to the front of the line line and told the frightened poll workers that “they don’ need no steenkin’ ID” to vote.
This will probably happen and you should report it right away just in case!
And, fortunately for you, actual real live True The Vote operators are standing by RIGHT NOW toll free at 855-444-6100.
That is 855-444-6100.
And it is Michelle Malkin approved!
But let’s say you are the shy type who does not care for human interaction — even on a phone. Well there is good news for you too, hypersensitive emotionally-distant painfully-awkward social phobic! Just use the handy reporting form found here to construct a highly detailed Disneyesque world of drunken negroes trading their votes for malt liquor or maybe ninja spacemen (real aliens!) beaming down because Obama has promised them Florida since Mars needs elderly ladies for their kinky sexytime experiments (actually that last part with the deal Obama striking a deal with the aliens? Yeah, that’s actually true. Don’t tell Paul Ryan’s mom).
You get the idea.
And if you have a twitter account, you can even post videos for the True The Vote cause using the hashtag #watchthevote. It’s going to be a rickroll paradise!
So, just let your imagination run wild knowing that you are giving the True The Vote people hope as well as a reason to live besides their inexhaustible white-hot hatred of minorities, women, union members, the middle class, seniors, children, gays, Hollywood, foreigners, The Enlightenment, science, gravity (Michele Malkin only), math, Katie Couric, exercise and hygiene.
So have fun! Be creative! Put that useless liberal arts degree to work. But most importantly: do it for America.