Maybe we can use the scandal to highlight the extent to which the CIA has become a Para-Military organization and that having a secret army of assassins is a really a non-freedom loving load of shit?

Sadly all the 1 percenters’ media seems to care about is

WHERE DID PETRAEUS PUT HIS PECKER?!?

Oh Lord, here comes the asshole Darrell Issa. He’ll get this one all wrong, too. I can’t figure out if this is going to hurt Eric Cantor for keeping this huge conspiracy from Fox News and Karl Rove prior to the election. We can only hope. I don’t watch Faux, so I’m a bit vague on how this whole conspiracy is supposed to work. Why would Obummerz force The hero General to start the affair long before Benghazi? Bamz did pull all the strings, right? I’m so confused! Miss Scarlett in the conservatory with the candlestick?

Oh, good grief. Now General Allen has been canoodling with the Kelley girl. How does he have the time to write 30,000 emails? This is crazy. How do we pin this on Obama? Crap, at the rate this is going, we may have to get out of Afghanistan for lack of Generals.

Lack of generals?, not a problem. Wal-Mart has an infinite number of Made in China US flag pins; the Five Sided Circus has the same number of generals. Oh yeah, so much for teh gays embarrassing the armed forces. You all just aren’t trying hard enough. Pardon the pun.

Happily tho, two of the three remaining House seats in Arizona have been declared for Democrats and the third will probably go Democratic too. And because there are STILL half a million votes ‘not yet counted’ (BAD, BAD HELEN PURCELL, BAD!) Richard Carmona is half an inch away from un-conceding to Jeff ‘Snow’Flake in the Senate race.

On behalf of my fellow sane Arizonans let me just say – I’m rilly sorry about this. It’s pretty obviously Joe Arpaio’s fault. Also, Gov. Brewski.

From the twitter machine

Breaking: powerful, attractive washingtonians fuck each other; can we get back to reporting on how they fuck the rest of us
— @7im via TweetDeck

Some generals rape easy.

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/deport-everyone-signed-petition-withdraw-their-state-united-states-america/dmQl1bXL

I can’t figure out if this is going to hurt Eric Cantor for keeping this huge conspiracy from Fox News

Actually it looks to me like sort of the opposite, i.e. a Wingut FBI guy decided that it was all a cover up by Obama of BENGHAZI GATE which is this huge scandal but at a frequency that only dogs and FOX News can hear, so he marched it to Eric Cantor who confronted the White House with it a week before the election because Obama was going to win and get off scot-free despite BENGHAZI GATE so THERE MUST BE SOMETHING FOR GODS SAKE AH HERE IT IS SEE.

Needs one of those Humphrey Bogart denouement speeches, i.e. “And you, you sent a picture of yourself to her, shirtless, no I’m not calling you Shirtless, but she wasn’t buying, so you squealed, you went running to the big boys…” and so on.

Help! I can’t figure out where a wingnut is supposed to stand on this latest controversy. Support our men in uniform? It’s an Obama coverup? Obama’s second term Solyndra? Eric Cantor dropped the ball on an October surprise? Should the conservatives start calling him “General Betray us” now? Please help!

Needz moar pole dancing…

Journalists who were taken in by Petraeus because he is a gentle and attentive lover with knee-melting bedroom eyes , an aw-shucks disarming grin, and the aforementioned mad oral skillz. Also guns and kevlar.

That would include AttackerMan, Spencer Ackerman, who attacked me. But Spencer never attacked the Wars and the Corruption.

I played a role in the creation of the legend around David Petraeus.

Spencer also created other legends about other dee cee warmongers and liars. For instance Spencer was handled by another SpyMaster, Philip Mudd, who won the War Against Terror.

But, TBogg, you will need to keep up with this. Emptywheel has a new story about another General, who had an affair with Jill Kelley. But maybe her twin sister, Natalie was part of a Menage-a-Twin. Jill was the Official Social Laison for generals. It could happen with all these horny generals.

They are writing thousands of e-mails to their parmours. And they are busy socially laisoning They have no time to win the hearts and minds of our enemies.

From the cobweb-adorned recesses of my aging mind, I extracted a memory – an inspiration, if you will – and using it to light my way, I found what I was seeking on You-Tube.

The eventual broadcast dramatization of this wacky story needs to have the right person playing Shirtless FBI Agent. I suggest something along the lines of ‘Torch’ (Gregory Harrison), from the mid-80s parody drama FRESNO!

Agent Torch carries a gun and a badge… and magnificent pecs!

Being the consummate professional, he’ll need to wear a tie, even sans shirt. That will test the ability of Wardrobe to come up with something appropriate.

OT ~ Skyfall = best James Bond movie in a long time!!

Of course Ms. Broadwell Mati Hari had unexplained confidential documents on her PC. I guess that means she will join Bradley Manning….. never mind.

So then Petraeus was collateral damage from an incidence of surveillance state corruption? And was his relative good taste in conducting the affair what made him unfit to keep his job, as opposed to diaper-wearing, toe-tapping in pursuit of man-love, and blaming his mistress for his troubles a la Wolfowitz? The conservative merit system is a mystery to me.

From the Guardian:

British soldier killed by gunman in Afghan uniform

, which means Kabul costume shops are keeping busy.

This is what it’s come to; top-notch talent has been leaving the military like rats leaving a sinking ship ever since BushCo made endless, senseless war the name of the game.

We’re left with a pack of guys who don’t understand that emails are neither ‘private’, nor secure, and that cyber-war works both ways and as far as that goes ‘our side’ might not be the big boys in the game.

How can the American people have any faith in people this stupid being in charge of stuff so important?

Admiral Michael Hayden is still proudly grinning, ear-to-ear about the Stuxnet caper that attacked Iran’s nearly imaginary nuclear program, even though it did little more than hand a $Billion cyber-weapon to our enemies for free.

(It’s long been paradigmatic that ‘Air Force Intelligence’ is an oxymoron.)

Who among us believes that the enemy will not re-purpose stuxnet to attack, not an imaginary, straw man, the product of a propaganda campaign to start another illegal war, but a real, vitally important piece of our country’s infrastructure?

We’re led, and our freedoms are ‘protected’ by dullards and psychopaths.

mad oral skillz.

Yes.

A cunning linguist

Dude, I think it’s supposed to be 20% these days. Definitely easier to reckon for us math-challenged whiz kidz.

Optional soundtrack: http://youtu.be/DLnIf0JjszY

Also, too: “Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this” – Tony Soprano

People are making too much about David Petraeus’s side adventure but this is really simple stuff.
Petraeus married for 37 years celebrated his 37th anniversary by imbedding in bed Paula Broadwell who was 37 and used to be embedded with Petraeus in desolate, cold mountains of Afghanistan. Paula, now 40, jealously sends threatening emails to another woman, Jill Kelley, who happens to be 37, a friend and possible mistress of Petraeus. Jill Kelley, younger and hotter, a Labanese Hezbollah bebe, is no small potato and possibly may be banging another U.S. General in Afghanistan and their 30.000 pages of communications are now being investigated. How the hell these moms with kids get time to write 10 pages, let alone thousands of pages of affairograms?

It seems our national security is well taken care of because top leaders of our military/ security/government institutions are lost in vagina. On the other hand, they have enough time to waste on nonsense like beating the crap out of Occupy wall Street kids, don’t ask don’t tell, no gays in the military while these married mothers with kids (milfs) are f****** the brains out of top people entrusted with out national security.

One important thing they have not figured out yet is whether condoms burst open in these cases as they did in case of Julian Assange of Wikileaks. If yes, that will be the ultimate crime and these Generals will be spending rest of their lives under house arrests or in jail.

“Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.” Henry K.

Is “unpaid social liaison” an upscale term for “CENTCOM groupie”?

You got all the frothy superficial stuff covered, with sort of a Bogg’s Greatest Hits of self-referential fluff thrown in. But what about Isreael, what about Iran. What about Afghanistan, getting in out, saving some lives?
None of that kind of stuff ever interests the Almighty Bogg.

Oh, I forgot, that’s some purity stuff.

Dig deeper, Bogg. I think it would improve your pieces.

Hayden thought Stuxnet was a good idea.

On 60 Minutes, Hayden denies knowing who was behind the creation and launch of stuxnet, but said, “This was a good idea. But I also admit this was a big idea, too. The rest of the world is looking at this and saying ‘clearly, someone has legitimated this kind of activity as acceptable’.”

Hayden is another retroactively retired spy, and is worshiped by dee cee “journalists”. Hayden is a vicious neo-con, who used the False confession from torture as pretexts for more wars. But I think he is too clever to get sucked into “SpyFall”.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/kenrapoza/2012/03/02/cyber-weapons-like-stuxnet-a-good-idea-ex-cia-tells-60-minutes/

And nowhere in this insightful analysis is there any mention of classified material on the “3rd string bond girls” computer or that our beloved spy may be replaced by the person Obama wanted in there in the first place.

Its never the sex

I expect more from FDL.

Hard to believe but right wing Republican Congressman, Mike Rogers of Michigan, has been mentioned as on the short list for the CIA position vacated by Pratraeus. The neocons couldn’t be happier.

Look: let me lay it out all clean & simply for you silly liberals.

Obama is a BLAH man, right?

We all know that every single BLAH man is a pimp, right?

So BLAHobama pimped his Hos on these generals, got it?

Naturally, I blame BLAHobama.

And btw what’s your bet as to who plays James Bond General BETRAYUS (vindication is sweet) in the movie version of this endearing spy-caper? Daniel Craig? Pierce Brosnan? Or… ?

Perhaps HollyWOOD can hire John LeCarre to write the screen play?

Your logic is impeckerable.

Congratulations on not using the word “sexytime” anywhere in the post! And commenters for avoiding it too. Cliches can be overcome.

Goddamn Army Viagra!

Yea, Tbogg. By not being a part-time Walter Winchell you are failing Matthew Detroit, and thus, failing America.

Matthew, the issue here is not whether Petraeus broke a few rules, bombed a few countries, exposed a few intelligence secrets, or took a few liberties with female gold diggers – he did. [winks at Newt Gingrich] But you can’t hold an entire corner of Blogtopia responsible for the behavior of a few, sick perverted individuals destroying the world. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole keyboard purity protest system? And if the whole purity protest system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Matthew: isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do what you you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America! Gentlemen…!

Hatmandu. Rush chairman. Damn glad to meet you.

Yes, the 60 minutes episode was what I was referring when I said he was grinning ear-to-ear.

His winking denial was immediately followed by a contrary opinion offered by a person I would characterize as a ‘real’ cyber-security expert from the DHS, that, if he had been asked, he would have advised against release of a cyber-weapon so obviously dangerous in terms of ‘blow-back’.

Even when apprised of this opinion, Hayden, after another obligatory, still winking denial that he ‘knew’ who developed stuxnet, couldn’t control his smirking, self-satisfaction.

He still thinks it was a good idea, and he still thinks he’s real smart.

Love all this sexytime stuff. It makes my drab, wretched, ordinary little life seem exciting and stimulating when I think of that doctor shacking up with hot twins. Why, it’s just like a sit-com, only with more sexy sexytime. Would it be irresponsible to speculate? Also, too, sexytime.

Who could have imagined; even narcissists like sex.

I see what you did there, Otter.

Well played. Very well played, indeed.

This is all Bush’s fault…

{Golf clap, & +1}

Conservatives who think this is an elaborate conspiracy dating back several years to keep Petraeus from testifying….

This is the part I don’t get. How does his resignation prevent him from testifying? Did the Intelligence Committee supply cabinet run out of subpoena forms?

Sheesh, TBogg, by simply typing the words you typed into your magical typing machine you assisted in the killing of at least four Afghani herdsmen and an equal number of Iranians who were dressed as Afghani herdsmen but were actually Pashtun poppy growers pretending to be Iranians dressed as Afghani herdsmen.

To add insult to injury you haven’t even deigned to look at the real “classified materials” that are now being used by a smartly uniformed cabal of lackeys who work inside of a secret mountain redoubt that once belonged to Dr. Evil but is now rented out by his less well-known nephew, Physician Assistant Not Really a Good Guy who cackles with every sentence you type because somewhere, somehow, another puppy has died.

Because you, TBogg, you are not diligently researching this matter only means you not only support the ongoing murderous regime of blahs, pinkos, dweebs, scrunchies and drone-suckers whose sole goal in life is to make Matthew Detroit wring his hands and shake his head in that knowing, sad way grandma used to do when you would hump the dog.

You are sooooooooooo easily distracted by the ta-tas, the bedroom eyes, the bumping and grinding of the bureaucratic world and I feel FDL suffers for it and suffers badly, like the suffering of a guy like Warner Todd Huston forced to shave Goldberg’s ass.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Sigh….Back in 2000 my one thought of the outcome was “Well, at least now the blowhards will stop their shouting(Rush, etc)” Unfortunately, all they did was double down. Now it appears that the thrust will be to impeach the president though they do seem to forget about his ace in the hole, Vice President Biden.

The Real Housewives Of Tampa Bay

or,

The Tail Of Two Generals

Dang. First the GOP tries to put the Onion out of business and now the military is trying to take down daytime teevee.

It’s been said better by others here, but I would like to add my $.02. If these folks are the best we got to defend our freedoms, [E-mails!?!?!?!] we are fucked. Oh, yeah. Great point about how teh gays will wreck the military. Can I start drinking now?

This has got to be suspicious. Obama kept it a secret so he could win the election. No? Well then it must be he was covering up Benghazi and they don’t want him testifying. No? Fox News needed a talking point? Yeah that’s it.

“Can I start drinking now?”

My God, man – why did you stop?

Also, @humboldtblue:”You are sooooooooooo easily distracted by the ta-tas, the bedroom eyes, the bumping and grinding of..”
not to mention the smooching and the moaning and the nibbling and the bouncing and the squeaking and the hanging upside-down in wetsuits and carrots and .. oh, man, now I’ve got to go lie down for a while. Curse you, TB – you should be so ashamed of yourself! You didn’t even put a Shakira grind.gif there!

Can’t wait for the video game of this to come out. ‘Call of Booty’ or something.

Damn!!! I’ve got it, folks. It’s all a screen test. All these guys really, really ‘got into’ Homeland! They want to f**k some Carrie, too. And Brody’s wife ain’t bad. Why didn’t I see this before? It all makes sense!!!!

Certain things have come to light. You know, a lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what-have-you’s.

I thought Eric reported back to the head of the FBI instead of the White House. And anyway, isn’t it any Republican’s responsibility to inform Roger Ailes of anything that might hurt Obama first? This whole smear system has broken down and it will not stand!

This is what I think:

When the history is written about this period, it will sound like H.G. Wells:

“After all man’s devices had failed, the Generals of the mighty US military were defeated by the smallest entities that God in his wisdom had put upon this Earth: their penises.”

My sentiments exactly.

Tbogg, you must indeed by distracted by your running-dog capitalist day-time demands.

The title of Broadwell’s book is “All In”,

For heavens sake, the jokes write themselves. It would be irresponsible not to give them room to run.

Confirmed: ABC Denver misnames Petraeus book, “All up in my snatch”

That’s what I’m talking about.

I feel better now.

Is “unpaid social liaison” an upscale term for “CENTCOM groupie”?

I imagine this woman considered herself a figure not unlike Alys Vorpatril. But really, she’s probably just a gal who likes to throw big parties on someone else’s dime.

I find all this stuff entertaining, I’m sorry to say, and a very refreshing change from obsessing about the election. I am a bad person. But we knew that, so.

Oh, and gentlemen, lessons to take away here, repeated from the Wiener and countless other similar situations:

1)unsolicited pictures of yourself shirtless or shortless are not…um…romantic. You might get all excited about seeing women in a state of undress, but women tend not to react so reliably. Your moving physical presence turns them on, but static suggestive pictures, especially ones they’re not expecting, popping up in an email? …it’s not as attractive as you might believe in terms of seduction. In fact, it’s probably suicidal.

Wait til she asks for a permanent glimpse to call her own, okay? Or you’re far, FAR more likely to turn her off than turn her on, AND,

2) there’s that thing about “the internet is forever.” Even when you’re really sure, absolutely positive, that your seductive shirtless photo is only going to be seen by the girl of your dreams, if you don’t want the FBI (or your neighbors) looking (askance) at it someday, don’t send it.

Did you know they’re even teaching that to high school kids these days? Just sayin’.

Put Cantor on it. He’s a sneaky little shit just like you, right?

That one made my day. That, and Hatmandu’s beautiful snark above @33. Well played indeed.

I can’t even handle love triangles, and here’s TBogg trying to sell me on a love dodecahedron. Dude, when gossip requires a flow chart, it’s time to put down the Internetz and open a beer. ;-)

Holy shit! I just realized why the fifteen-percent tip went to twenty: easier arithmetic!

Stuart, I like you. You’re not like the other kids here, in the trailer park…

In Analyzing The Failures of the Jets, Start At The Top Read the whole thing — it is good eviscerating. After a few paragraphs, we get, “The trade for Tim Tebow has been a debacle. His presence is a distraction…the Jets acquired Tebow eight months ago, and they are no closer to knowing how and when–if at all– to deploy him than they were in March and after a full training camp and nine regular-season games.” (The Teblood thread was getting old) The Rams have almost the same record, and blew the last game because of two utterly stupid penalties and a fumble, and they are still playing over their heads. I am not going to accept that the season is over for them anyway.

On topic–
Frank Bruni had an approximation of a decent column on people who want to blame only the woman for this. If the man values marriage enough that this is unthinkable, you are going to know it. My take was that Petraeus resigned because he knew that there was going to be a prurient frenzy that would harm the CIA. Especially with Benghazi an unsettled issue, it was an easy chance to get out of the line of fire which just got much more intense. But Petraeus also knew more than us peons if there was a real national security impact to any of this.

Very good Bogey-speak, UVP, I can just hear him saying it. If this tangle develops any more knots it’s gonna start rivaling the plot of “Maltese Falcon”, which I never have quite gotten my head around. With Gen. Allen involved with the Kelley dame, it’s getting comical, which is, at least at this stage, why it ain’t good scandal fodder for Cantor or anybody elsed.

Who could we get to play Shirtless? What latter-day Elisha Cook? Of course, our real problem is finding a latter-day Sam Spade.

According to wikipedia, and that jogs my memory, Stuxnet infects Siemens industrial equipment. If the US does not use any of that, Iran has to do the equivalent of writing new code for different hardware. Also, if you are the mullahs, you know that the US would love to have something they can call an act of war.

LOL

Apparently Jill Kelley is doin’ it Gangnam Style;

ABC News’ Steven Portnoy reports the special license plate designating Jill Kelley as an “Honorary Consul,” on her gray Mercedes Benz S500 is not just because she was considered CENTCOM’s “social ambassador.”

A staffer at the Embassy of Korea in Washington confirms that his government conferred “honorary consul” status upon Kelley in August of this year.

The job carries no official responsibilities, nor does it grant any immunities or even pay a stipend. It’s an honorary title, handed out to those who are willing to “assist” the nearest consulate with outreach. But with the status, and the documentation she was given, Kelley was able to obtain the special vanity plate. Florida Department of Highway Safety officials checked it out with the State Department and issued the plate in September.

pic, cause it did happen.

Superficiality…in a snark blog….about a sex scandal…? Why the very idea! And all the potty mouth language and pictures on your blog of basset hounds without clothing over their naughty bits. Tbogg, please restrict your entries to something your mom would be proud to print out and stick on the fridge.

The Pussies of Petraeus; The Consul-General

I am the very model of a modern Consul-General
I have inviolability so do not cross my property
I know the brass of Quantico and have polished by fellatio
From Iraq and to Afganistan, in order categorical

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
She is the very model of a modern Consul-General

I wonder where Petraeus will fail to next?

EW also has a post pointing out that this is Petraeus’s third failure: the first was training the Iraqi militia (which promptly turned into death squads); the second was training the Afghan militia (which promptly started shooting at all the non-Afghans in sight). This one was pushing hardware over human intelligence at the CIA, and was why no one knew WTF was really going on in Libya.

Somalia, as a private carrying a rifle?

Potomac Place.

(Well, it sounds better than ‘Pentagon Place’.)

Didn’t read the Three Failures one yet, but Team EW is in their element with something like this. It is a puzzle where you have to carefully find all the pieces.

I really, really like living in Colorado, in the greater Denver area, because channel 7 news has a great sense of humor. ‘All Up In My Snatch’, indeed!

According to my wingnut pals, the Penetrate-us Scandal is meant to distract us from the Benghazi Horrors Coverup!!!, and also the Very Important Patriotic Petition Drive to Allow Several States to Secede!!!

Goddam, I’m reading too much of these meatheads FB drivel. I’m contracting the Capital Letters and !!! Plague. I won’t ‘unfriend’ them, though. I am fascinated by weirdness. So far.

Oh I’m sure a defense contractor will give him twice his current salary to become a lobbyist.

So I guess you’re right. He’ll be a pirate somewhere.

If the US does not use any of that, Iran has to do the equivalent of writing new code for different hardware.

Why don’t you investigate that question and get back to me.

Oh hell, I might as well tell you now, everyone uses Siemens controllers, they’re embedded in our critical architecture and everyone else’s.

It requires only re-writing the portion of the code that specifies the target system to change the target, like changing the address on a post card.

What we gave the enemy when we released stuxnet, was an effective outline for stealthy cyber-attack on widely used industrial control systems, the type that control production and distribution of electricity for example.

O/T (but are Juicebox Jesus and Malkin Cheer *ever* o/t?)

It ain’t just God who has forsaken him.

He is a Christian among Lions

one correction, it’s not 30,000 emails, it’s 30,000 printed pages of emails, which includes printing all the routing and heading information that you don’t normally see. The total number of emails is much, much less.

What about Afghanistan, getting in out, saving some lives?

Matthew, you poor dumb animal, there is actually a timetable for getting out of Afghanistan, which was announced in June of 2011 by Obama– that’s what, 16 months ago, you dolt, with all other NATO participant countries roughly following suit. Works like this: troop withdrawal complete by 2014. It was in all the papers. There’s not much to add to that.

God, you really are Christendom’s Premier Fucking Fool, aren’t you?

And btw what’s your bet as to who plays James Bond General BETRAYUS (vindication is sweet) in the movie version of this endearing spy-caper?

That’s an easy one. Scott Glenn is a dead ringer for Petraus.

And he’s already CIA Director.

Working title: “The Bourne Petrayal”

Whoa, does that ever work. Robert Ludlum to the white courtesy phone, stat!

the one I like, seen elsewhere:
‘As the Petraeus Turns’

I wonder where Petraeus will fail to next?

He’s building up his resume of Fail to the point where he can credibly run for the Repuke presidential nomination.

The next step is the Barbara Walters TV interval with “repentant sinner” crocodile tears. The talibangelicals love those who can pull off the abject reformed sinner act without gagging.

If he does that, I might get to use this. It’s a bit of a long shot, but I’m hoping to fill in column 2, row 1 with this one.

Atom secrets, secret leaflets…

Get ready — he’s already got the Forgiveness Card from Pat Robertson, who is apparently hard at work trying to salvage Petraeus’ 2016 GOP nomination as he’s the only viable candidate the Republicans have.