To be fair to the commenter, there are some serious questions raised for those who want to masturbate-marry. For instance: I am, shall we say, “ambidextrous” in that particular field. Which hand do I put the ring on at the ceremony?

Are there illegal benefits to marriage I can acquire? I’m not married, never will be and never have been, but I am also not gay but I do have an agenda, particularly one that involves the long-legged brunette (hah! hair color) who frequents my humble but non-nerdy apartment.

I don’t want to marry her hand and she sure as shit doesn’t want to marry me or any small part of me I offer up, but it’s still an agenda and I’ll be damned if those angry gays are going to ruin it!

can someone pleeeeeese translate that shit into english for me?

thanks.
also. too.

Which hand do I put the ring on at the ceremony?

Silly Hat, the ring goes on the cock!

Shorter version, ‘come rag with me’.

Further evidence that conservatism is a psychological disorder.

Damn, that’s why I love you people. Well reasoned, practical, and insightful answers to the problems facing ‘Murica!

so he’s saying that the only reason to get married is sex? Not love or companionship, nuttin’ but the ruttin?

and bassets..

yes, but even on that basis it makes no sense
as marriage is defined as “the most expensive sex you can buy”

If I don’t marry myself does that mean I can’t visit myself in the hospital? Am I not allowed to have joint custody of my child with myself?Can I not claim myself as a dependent on my tax returns unless I’m married to myself? Am I not allowed to file my income with myself as “joint income” if I’m not married to myself? What exactly are these benefits I will gain if I can marry myself?

Masturbation Is Like A Slippery Slope Or Something

Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?

Because then we’d be…

Slip-Sliding Away…

Fuck masturbation! I want to see a copy of this ‘gay agenda’ all these simpletons keep referring to!

All these years, all the mishegas, and not even a pamphlet, a booklet, a single sheet, double-spaced.

I’m not even gay, and I am damned curious. One of these assholes had better reveal their source, dammit.

I am pretty sure that is the only way that jackass would ever get sex.

Conservative = Not clear on the concept (any of them).

anybody for gay rights can suck my d…. I mean, um.

the comments at Frau Malkins blog are scary

Jackson Browne and Rosie.

The Comments at Tweeker’s Paradise are always scary.

Given the many interesting things conservatism’s leading lights have been caught doing just the past few years, I am not surprised the term”consenting adults” is beyond their comprehension.

Look at Movement Conservatives, from pasty-faced prom-missing leaders like Scott Walker to their deluded dullard followers; listen to them speak. These people have serious fu@king problems with sex, about sex, around sex …

LOL seriously

Marriage and decades of effin’ drudgery, Cornhaulin’ and buggery. One night stands or, Doin’ yourself with both hands. When you’ve been run through the mill, around the blocks, had your ashes hauled or are just to pooped to pop: why is it these nutgetters think all life begins and ends at the tip of their____s?

TBogg, yer just jerkin us all off again.

What will the bassetts think . . .

As to Malkin, and the other sordid characters you link and reference to. . .

Better you n me, I don’t have the budget for that much sanitizer.

-)

A tissue wipe after the fact can NOT be called a ceremony.

C’mon people, we’re better than this.

Where’s the SEX!!!!!!

The hell with the ceremony.

“long legged brunette”

You looking for competition?

Cuz that stuff stirs my loins . . .

*G*

Yes, my wife knows, and we’re still monogamous since ’84.

Just a tip. ;-)

Ok, permit me, I speak fluent messed up watered down New Yawk.

Even if it originates in MA. Or some other foreign country where TBogg lives or dwells on summer or winter vacays.

Translation: Either yer getting laid or yer not, don’t blame TBogg.

Glad I could help, best to you and both hands.

But, but, but, what about the sex? Or lack of . . . .

Good snark, I approve and applaud.

Far clever . . . well done!

*G*

Larue! You’ze awful busy down there. Stop that.

…you filthy degenerate perverts:AKA TBogg’s little internet friends.

Down in Oz for vacation. Walked by a store called “LoveSac.” Apparently they make beanbags so large they work as loveseats. Apparently. I report, you decide.

I think I should be able to gay-marry a corporation!

A person suffering from homosexuality an inferiority complex has the same hurdles as anyone else who wishes to marry drive. They must find a willing member of the opposite sex vehicle. Should lonely computer geeks rednecks demand that masturbation off-roading be redefined as marriage tough so they, too can derive the legal benefits of marriage masculinity?

What’s your position on narcissists Denali owners marrying themselves Ram owners?

If you oppose it, you’re a hypocrite. If you support it, you are supporting the devaluation and dissolution of the concept of marriage trucks until it can mean anything, and therefore means nothing, which is the “gay Prius agenda”.

Feller has a point.

What makes you think you put the ring on a hand?

This will teach me to post without reading the posts that already exist.

Gosh, I have had a very special relationship with the Widow Thumb and her 4 Virgins for over 50 years now.

In fact our relationship has lasted as long as J. Edger Hoover and Clyde Tolson’s.

Does that make me a polygamist?

Oh, what will the neighbors think?

What will my long suffering opposite marriage partner think?

Rogers Rules of Order say you can’ t hold your Gay Meeting without a Gay Agenda published and distributed before the meeting. I simply can’t discuss an agenda I haven’t seen. When will our homosexual overlords take responsibility for these simple duties?

A friend once sent me a copy of the gay agenda (I think he was on the committee). It went something like:

8:00 breakfast (egg white omelets, oatmeal, mimosas)
10:00 shopping
12:00 lunch
1:00 destroy marriage, the family, and civilization
2:00 beauty nap

Well, as Woody Allen said, masturbation is sex with someone I truly love.

How would Fap-Americans even know if their legal rights were being violated or curtailed because, you know, blindness?

I used to believe that Moran-Americans like Malkin and her Tweaking Twitter Twinkie Twits were so stupid, they thought that a ménage à trois meant jerking off with both hands.

Now I see that they think it’s bigamy.

What’s your position on narcissists marrying themselves?

It should be mandated. It’ll keep them from passing on their traits to the next generation.

Can I be married long enough just to need glasses?

Or maybe I could start a magazine featuring the latest in self-wedding hand hair styles? Should you wear it up, or with a braid? Opinions differ.

They wish to limit my entrepreneurship! Will they not allow me to wed my own Invisible Hand of the Free Market?

Reply to Rugosa @39:

That might be from a sadly ignored exposé provided some years ago by Mrs. Betty Bowers – The World’s Best Christian™©­­® – where the more disturbing details seem to take place between 3:30pm and 4:10pm in the itinerary provided at that link. [Otherwise, as for the rest of the items on that itinerary, it looks like a fabulous day!]

Wait, isn’t marriage already masturbation?