As crashingly boring as Klondike Barbie’s reality show was, I do believe the Granny Starver has the potential to be even more boring.

But if it would get him out of Congress I’m all for it!

Of course he’s more boring. He doesn’t have tits…

Better yet, Granny Starver has a reality show with America’s Hottest Secret Grandma!

Or

Snooki/Goober 2016 Shazzzamm!!!!

Paul Ryan Is Your New Sarah Palin Now

Paul Ryan has a tramp stamp?

Palin and Bachmann are both beautiful women, but, because of them, I have to wonder about the crazy in every woman I see.

Putting Janesville on the map, just like Wassilla.

For the DEA.

Um, beautiful women???

I was hoping to see Bachmann at the 2013 AVN Awards

I might (just might) get cable/satellite/smoke signal TeeVee to watch a pair of failed Vice Prez candidates cope with real-world situations. There’s gotta be a lot of angst there, missing out on what is arguably the best fucking job evar (in politics).

Just the arguments over who got the longest line of powder would be priceless! The ensuing fist-fight would be icing on the cake!

No, Ryan is NOT the new Palin. Palin is uniquely messed up. Ryan will have to be messed up in his own way.

All this reminds me of the time Jed Clampett was appointed vice president of the bank by Mr Drysdale. Which was fine until granny looks up vice in the dictionary. Then she has Jethro go change the name plate on his door from “vice president” to “nice president”.

Now why can’t these two get together and do a show like that?

Watching Beyonce’ and Mr Z double-time their way off the inaugural platform so as not to need to turn around to speak with Paul Ryan, directly behind them, was one of today’s little moments I’ll cherish. I mean, Mr Z looked, sometimes, very impatient with the waiting-in-line thing which, in his life, is certainly novel.

But seeing the two of them engage in conversation with one another and, eagerly, whoever else was around in order to avoid the humiliation of having to listen to Ryan’s braying was really priceless.

Cause the Clampetts were just nice people who had a buttload of money dumped in their laps and not evil, sociopathic grifters?

Though I’m sure Granny’s moonshine would be very popular in Janesville or Wasilla. And if they had a nice reality show where Munster and Secret Gramma changed their hair color as frequently as Willow did in Bris Bris’s show, I might have to actually tune in.

Is Granny Bumpits’ Moonshine like Goldschlager but made with meth crystals instead of little golden fish food flakes?

Eh?? I don’t know… No love lost on lil Eddie Munster, but he’s not yet up to Bible Spice’s Quittin’ record. Not that I’d be sad to see Mr Ayn Rand wannabe leave the House early…

Yes, and she makes it using “surplus” materials she stole from the yet unpaid for (and empty) Wasilla sports complex. She teaching L’il Paulie how to use that auto factory he used to whine about being closed for HIS new meth lab.

And unlike Granny Clampett and her innocent still, they won’t be diluting THEIR moonshine in any cement pond for fancy city folks, neither.

Please leave your address. The Internet needs to be sent to you. You won it. Congrats!

I do believe I read the other day that Wisconsin, after screwing her citizens for their own damn good to get JOBS!!!, isn’t getting any jobs. That really worked out well all the way around. Let’s hope that both Walker and the ZEGS go the way of the dodo; that failure will have a way of just shutting that whole thing down.

There used to be jobs in Janesville. The Parker Pen Company had its main factory there, had done for years and years and years. They went out of business in the ’80s.

Half the time when I’m trying to say “zombie-eyed granny starver”, it comes out “granny-eyed zombie starver”, which oddly enough, is still an apt description of Ryan.

I love this comment very much, but it causes me angst, because I cannot remember the episode in question. Normally, my brain automatically deletes useful information to make cerebral space for this sort of thing.

I hope this is a one-time miss on my part, otherwise I’m gonna have to see some kind of brain doctor. Very troubling…

A fitness lesson from the Zombie-Eyed Granny-Starver.

P90X this, jagoff…

Yeah, I hit the gym.
You see this face right here, bro?
It’s my fist magnet.

Maybe I’m only thinking this because here in Gotham there aren’t many oppositely married guys who like the gym as much as Ryan does, but I’m waiting for Paul Ryan’s “wide stance” moment in a public loo.

Ha, true enough, given what zombies eat.

He will star in the 20th anniversary reunion of Saved by the Bell: The Screechining

Meanwhile, on a public holiday, as other Virginians were either at the inaugural or watching it on TV, the Virginia Senate Republicans decide to show both how stupid and how evil they are:

http://my.firedoglake.com/phoenix/2013/01/21/virginia-senate-republicans-cant-even-stage-a-coup-right/

I always knew that Palin was missing something a Republican wet-dream fuel ought to have, and now I know what it was: a weenie.

The fetishist closet-case population on the Right far outnumbers the starbursters, I’d bet.

I read this yesterday and I’d say I can’t believe it, but with current crop of patently insane Republicans, I can believe anything. Will this wake up Dems, not only in Virginia, but in the states that are about to change to proportional allocation of electors in Presidential elections? God I hope so. I never want to hear the term “Chicago-style politics” again.

zaklee

Paul Ryan is so pale he makes Edward from Twilight seem rosy-cheeked. Dude looks like he’s the poster child for cyanosis.

Funny how the brain works. That episode hasn’t aired in what, 45 years? I can’t remember 10% of the shit I learned in college, which I paid good money for, but you put snowbilly granny vice president in one sentence and up pops this ancient memory like a delicious apple.

Any word on whether Caribou Barbie’s contract with Fox is going to be renewed? 2012 was the year in which she was basically a non-starter for the wingnuts, from her anticlimactic announcement of her non-candidacy (which I think actually happened late in 2011) to not only not getting invited to the convention by the GOP but also not even getting to do commentary on her own network. Plus, of course, all the family drama which made Honey Boo Boo’s look classy.

Being married to a politician like ZEGS is probably no picnic. Perhaps Mrs. ZEGS is slipping him a bit of arsenic on the side?

Heh. Yep, that’s pretty much how I synthesize bizarre and/or (hopefully) humorous concepts. There’s gold in them thar mental archives.

I always wondered how Jed got to be Pres of the Fed, and then Treasury Secretary…