Since most of the right wing (and a certain leftyish blog, ahem) spent the day chasing their conspiracy tales  because former Daily Caller editor David “Whore Chat” Martosko’s created a bullshit story about a purloined Saudi letter  (Must Credit Guy Who Makes Shit Up!) nobody got around to making Pigford Mud Pies, and that makes the Dead Baby Breitbart cry.

Afraid that someone might point out that this was the biggest flop since that time Sarah Palin told everybody to pull the fuck over because of Big Gulps or teenaged backseat sex or whatever, someone cracked the whip at Breitbart and everybody was informed that no one was to leave for their night jobs at Arbys until they pooped out some Pigford shit. The results varied somewhere between  “I really just want to write about Skinemax movies, but here goes…” and “Book report that I wrote on the bus this morning on a book I totally didn’t read ” in quality. Particularly delightful was this entry from Breitbart News Editorial Assistant Elena Lathrop who wants to know why NOBODY IS THINKING ABOUT THE CHILDREN! (Aged 21-30):

For today’s American youth–the so-called “Entitlement Generation,” with twisted attitudes towards hard work, success, proper compensation, and the relationship between the three–the Pigford fraud, with its handouts based on little to no evidence of discrimination or even being a farmer, is the last thing that is needed right now.

The Entitlement Generation, generally those currently aged 21 to 31, is criticized for expecting material rewards in the absence of earning them through hard work, feeling entitled to them–hence the cynical nickname. So when $50,000 checks are being handed out by the federal government to those claiming to have farmed or “attempted to farm” without any proof of doing so and without evidence of discrimination in lending practices, what message does this send? Especially to the youth?

We are smitten by her spunky-clunky prose! We also like her use of “the youth”, redolent as it is with hints of  The Iraq. Kudos UCLA!

And lest you think Elena is only concerned about the Kids of ‘Murica shit-canning their college Women’s Studies or Communism Indoctrination degrees in order to become black sharecroppers, because everyone knows that sharecropping is where the big money is (plus you get to work outside. Sweet!), she is equally worried that The Poors are blowing their Hot Pocket money on non-nutritional postage stamps, which is Socialism or something.

Why do Poors need stamps!:

A reader sends in this photo of a US Postal Service automated kiosk displaying a message that the machine accepts EBT to purchase postage.

Not only is this ironic, but it allows for use of EBT to purchase money orders and send money without the use of a bank. Call it “governmentception”—like a dream within a dream, one government program inside of another.

Before mentioning that state governments use EBT cards for cash-aid benefits and unemployment benefits as well as a replacement  for food stamps as a cost saving measure and because they are a more efficient, I just want to make the much larger pointthat “governmentception” is the new ‘fetch‘. Also, like Alanis Morrisette, Elena does  not seem to understand what “ironic” means. Ironic, right?

Bad job, UCLA!

Nonetheless I look forward to Elena combining her two passions with a Breitbart Exclusive multi-part series about strapping young bucks blowing their T-Bone and Cadillac welfare monies on special edition collector stamp sets. Because once they find out about these babies, they are going to be soooo uppity….