Although there will be a few mini-posts this evening before I shuffle off to Buffalo (fat chance of that ever happening) I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for their continued readership, lovely emails, comments, gifts, and tax-deductible contributions to establish the Totally Awesome Museum of Shakira Animated GIF’s (gift shop opening soon!) over these last thirteen years. Also, thanks to the wonderful folks here at Good Ship FDL for having me aboard.

You’re all swell and if I was Oprah I’d give you all Mini Coopers or take you bowling and then to Denny’s for a Super Bird because that seems like the kind of thing that Oprah would do. But I am not Oprah, so you just have my gratitude instead which I am led to believe will get you free coffee refills at Denny’s, so there is that.

You’re going to be OKAY.  You will GET THROUGH THIS. Just remember these few things:

  • If Ross Douthat offers some vague promise of respect if you’ll just hand over the keys to your vagina… don’t do it. It’s a trap and he’ll only end up calling you a whore and fat in his next book: Fat Whores I Wouldn’t Fuck With Your Dick No Matter How Much They Look Like A Celebrity: A Journey Of Faith
  • McMegan will write something about public policy that will be completely wrong because she will be “unconvinced” due to the fact that the numbers fail to translate into cups, tablespoons, pinches, pounds, and liters … and also because she is paid to be wrong. But even if she weren’t paid to be wrong she’d still get it wrong.
  • Someone will continue to fund Breitbart.com because it is better than having their staff wandering the streets screaming “STOP RAPING PEOPLE!” at symbols of government over-reach like, for example, mailboxes.
  • Andrew Breitbart will remain dead.
  • Always apply the 24-Hour Rule to every overly-hyped story whether it is revelations about the NSA or the IRS, or news about a spontaneously combusting baby …  although that one seems for real.
  • Lastly, we call them ‘libertarians” because ‘sociopath’ is such an ugly word.

There … that ought to hold you until The Rapture or until I return, whichever comes first …