Hey you two kids! Get a room….

For going on two weeks now, blogs have been giving more attention to twice-divorced moralizing  douchebag Dennis Prager than he received from the two ex-Mrs. Pragers who were finally able to quit pretending to be lesbians once the final papers were signed and he was out of earshot.

I’m not sure what I found more surprising: that a jerk-off didn’t know how to jerk off, or that someone could have so little self-regard that he would use his platform (and granted it’s Townhall so it’s like writing for doorknobs) to air his pathetic and degrading sexual history.

Besides, that’s Jamie Kirchick’s schtick.

For Prager, who knows a lot about what women don’t want (and he has the divorces to prove it) sex is part of a social barter system: beads for a blow-job, bangles for a finger bang, and baubles for the Reverse Scooby Snack. And if women aren’t in the mood to drop and "Give Me Twenty", well, there is obviously something wrong with them and they didn’t read the fine print on their wedding license. This also means that they have a better than average chance than most vagina-Americans of (briefly) becoming Mrs. Prager III and starring in SexHell: The Analing.

Most normal people (meaning you and you… but probably not you) have found Prager’s arguments to be mildly repulsive if not downright squicky, but there is one in every crowd which brings us to Amy Alkon, home security consultant and self-described Advice Goddess who gives Prager two thumbs up (the butt) for his observations :

This is just Prager’s rather long-winded restatement of what I said in my Advice Goddess column, "A Tale Of Naked Whoa," from May of 2007:

Relationships are filled with little tasks that don’t exactly bring a person to screaming orgasm. A man, for example, doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night with some primal longing to bring his girlfriend flowers, rehang her back door, or clean the trap in her sink. Like sex, these things can be expressions of love, but if a guy’s going to lock himself in the bathroom, it’s not going to be with "Bob Vila’s Complete Guide to Remodeling Your Home."

So, couldn’t putting out when you aren’t in the mood be seen as just another expression of love? Joan Sewell, author of I’d Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido, told The Atlantic Monthly, "If you have sex when you don’t desire it, physically desire it, you are going to feel used." Well, okay, perhaps. But, if a guy rotates a woman’s tires when he doesn’t desire it, physically desire it, does he feel used?

I’m sure it is just a little bit of Kismet that both Alkon and Prager both live in LA, so what is to keep these two crazy kids from getting together and trading "tire rotations" (is that what the kids are calling it these days?) for blow jobs and hummers and motorboats (oh my!)?

I say that they should throw caution to the wind and go for it.  And afterwards, they should keep it to themselves.

We’re trying to eat here….