Sarah Palin is now a Jewish-American princess and we’re all gonna die

Awesomeness courtesy of watertiger

Since I’m not up on my Biblical Tales of Mystery and Imagination, I was unaware that Sarah Palin is modeling herself after a real life lady wanna-be martyr:

Queen Esther, the Jewish beauty who was plucked from the Persian king’s harem to become queen and wound up saving her people at the risk of her own life, is getting quite a workout this summer.

[...]

She’s [Palin's] all over the airwaves and social networks saying that she’s been unfairly pilloried for her family (read Christian) values but she’ll press forward like a righteous point guard because the right is on her side. Figuratively if not literally.

Andrew Sullivan, in possibly his shortest Daily Dish post (he bashes Palin at length throughout the day), got the morning going with this a post on "The Esther Syndrome."

That’s the dog-whistle behind "If I die, I die." It’s a quote from the Biblical figure, Queen Esther, who rose from being a Beauty Queen to being the champion of the Jewish people in their battle for survival. Now imagine if McCain had won, had to resign because of illness, and we were facing an international crisis with Iran. Now take a Xanax.

The first line that always comes to mind from the Book of Esther is where her uncle steels her to step into the dangerous spotlight because God made her "for such a time as this." Palin went to the same book with "If I die, I die," a paraphrase of Esther 4:16:

"When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish."

But Sarah’s not going to perish. We are!

That’s right, because  (according to a commenter at USA Today which is America’s Paper so it must be true)  our demise  was foretold in The Book of Random Stuff Portending Worse Stuff (King James version):

You have to be a stupid idiot to NOT see an attack at all fronts on true Christianity. Jesus predicted this in the last days before the great tribulation where God’s judgments on mankind will make the plagues of Egypt look like a stroll through the park. I recommend reading Revelation to view these seal, trumpet, and bowl judgments Most of the people reading this will die from some of these judgments and end up in hell. Everything that is happening with Palin, Prejean, the fake Christian Obama, the loony liberal press, radical Islam, N. Korea, Iran building nukes, Israel about to bomb Iran where oil prices will double, garbage global warming, Wacko Jacko’s memorial servie, new age freaks everywhere, UFOs, fits perfect with Christian dispensationalism that takes Bible prophecies literally. You don’t have much time unbeliever.

So you should probably start doing all of those things that you’ve been putting off doing like going to Paris, finishing the libretto for  Reservoir Dogs: The Musical, putting the laundry away, solving the Riemann hypothesis, and having sex with Jennifer Aniston because there isn’t much time left.

I’d move that Aniston one up to maybe number two. The laundry can wait.