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September 21, 2012

Matthew Boyle Needs A New Hobby And Are
You Going To Eat The Rest Of Those Fries?

Posted in: 1

Future Nobel Prize Winner for Journalism and certified “genius” (according to one of the guys at Buzzfeed – probably the LOLcat Editor) Matthew Boyle has a lot of time on his hands after it turned out that Attorney General Eric Holder wasn’t the head of Mexico’s largest and most violent drug/gun/counterfeit plaster Hello Kitty piggy-bank cartel, so now Matt’s just kind of hanging around the office, checking out what everyone else is doing, sitting in his cubicle working on his paperclip chain-mail for this weekend’s Ye Olde Renaissance Faire & Car Swappe Meete, and seeing how many Rolos he can shove in his mouth at one time.

This is not helping the conservative cause despite the fact that this is also how Jonah Goldberg got started.

I mean, Matt could do some TV spots. Maybe something on Fox:

Okay. Maybe that’s not such a good idea even if we apply the Fox & Friends standard of competence.

So it is back to the old grind of ink-stained I-cover-the-waterfront investigative journalism and, OH BOY!, look what just dropped into his lap! SCOOP CITY, bitchez!

Vice President Joe Biden may have stuck his foot in his mouth again on Friday, using an awkward off-the-cuff phrase to compliment high school cheerleaders during a campaign stop.

According to a pool report from Biden’s stop at Newport High School in Newport, N.H., the vice president arrived to talk to “about 100 students in their sports uniforms waiting for him in a semi-circle.”

“He cradled a football under his arm as he spoke,” the pool report, written by The New York Times’ Trip Gabriel reads. “He began by asking which teams were represented — football, soccer, lacrosse and cross-country. Any others? He asked. ‘Cheerleaders,’ a group of girls shouted.”

“Guess what, the cheerleaders in college are the best athletes in college,” Biden said. “You think, I’m joking, they’re almost all gymnasts, the stuff they do on hard wood, it blows my mind.”

You see, because Biden said “hard wood”. Get it? Like a penis? When it’s erect? Hard? Wood? Get it? And they’re doing “stuff” on it?

Total sex gaffe.

I’m not sure if this is an impeachable offense for Biden or if it’s an electoral game changer, but I definitely see clear sailing ahead for Mitt Romney because Matt Boyle is both the Woodward AND Bernstein of the right….


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