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November 17, 2012

The Things They Left Behind

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After Amazon’s Magical Affinity Algorithms decided I might like some Romney/Ryan beer koozies…

I thought I would check out some of their other great deals since holiday shopping starts just minutes after you have trampled somebody to death in search of a cheap flatscreen at Walmart on Friday morning at 3AM.

Let’s go shopping!

There is Romney Soap, in vanilla of course, because white bread has no smell.

A Romney Garden Gnome to ward off illegal browns from attempting to mow your lawn, just in case you’re running for president, for pete’s sake!

A Romney Chia Pet because … why not for a candidate whose hair was the most memorable and  distinguished element of his campaign?


I actually enjoy this one, designed to buck up the spirits of a Tea Bagger who still can’t believe that the Republican party went with Romney/Ryan instead of Glenn Beck/Ted Nugent:

Since you will undoubtedly have to endure your embittered lunatic racist wingnut uncle ranting about the blahs and gifts and the welfare and Obama phones over Thanksgiving dinner this Thursday, you can reciprocate the holiday joy by sending him one of these lovely all-occasion cards for Christmas:

Suggested inscription:


Merry Christmas,

Bob & Whitney and the twins.

Let’s not forget the Zombie-Eyed Granny Starver:

…and lastly, for the literature buff in the family, a very special collection of stories to read all snuggled up in front of the fire on Christmas eve, written by the Romney son the family doesn’t talk about very much

….. certain to put visions of sugarplums, or something, dancing in the young tykes heads.

Family memories. Good times….

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