My Opening Farewell, So Long And Thanks For All The Fish, Oh The Places I Will Go, How Can You Miss Me If I Won’t Go Away, Just Leave Already Fer Chrissakes, Post Thingy

Clever person that you are, you no doubt may have inferred from the post title that I will be leaving Firedoglake, which has been my home lo these past six years, in the near future. By which I mean ‘next week’, … by which I mean ‘Thursday-ish’.

Yup, let’s say next Thursday. So it is written, so it shall be done.

A few things about this turn of events because there will no doubt be some speculatin’ and hypothicatin’ and such and such. Regular readers are aware that I’ve been threatening to pull a Billmon for some time now only to be talked down off the ledge. I have been an internet presence and somewhat-popular blogger for about thirteen years which, in internet years, makes me “old as fuck” as my grandmother used to say. While I have done this blogging thing mainly as a hobby – since I have actual Real Life Skills that are monetizable in The Real World – it has also been a rather all-consuming hobby which has taken me away from my family, the outside world (why live at the beach if you’re going to spend every free hour in front of a computer?), and from reading actual books (in lieu of blogs written by idiots), as well as watching movies and the teevee and enjoying life’s rich pageant. What tipped the scales this time was the recent loss of  the brilliant and greatly missed Doghouse Riley whom, I will note, was younger than moi when he passed so suddenly. As was Jon Swift. And Steve Gilliard. And Jim Capozzola. For me, this was a mortality wake-up call.

So I’m stepping out for awhile. Maybe work on that post-modern roman à clef coming of age historical romance novel (with exploding robots!) that I’ve been kicking around. Maybe just sitting in a coffee house staring off into the distance creating the appearance that I Am Thinking Deep Thoughts when I’m actually trying to remember where I parked the car.  Maybe I’ll reinvent myself, even though all the cool names like Thunderclap Newman and Beyoncé are already taken. Or maybe I’ll finally figure out what I want to be if I ever grow up. It could totally happen.

Will I be back somewhere, sometime? Who the hell knows. Being on the internet and entertaining your weird little internet friends is, like meth or watching a Toddlers & Tiaras marathon, a hell of a drug. But for now ….

Having said all of that, I can’t thank the good people who run Firedoglake – from Jane Hamsher, who brought me here and has always been my biggest supporter no matter how much I pissed everyone off, to the various moderators and editors who turned a blind eye every time I was an asshole towards some of the commenters (who all had it coming. FACT.) –  enough for their support and creative rationalizations for excusing my dickish behavior. You guys have been swell and if you ever need to me to lie to the feds about you,  just ask, even though the NSA will know better. [cont’d.]

For everyone else … intermittent blogging for the next days, maybe replaying some greatest hits, some basset pictures, and probably some of this.

Yeah. Definitely more of that.

Tim Pawlenty Has Finally Found Someone He Can Beat

Tim Pawlenty, whom you may remember dropping out of the GOP primaries while the candidates were still doing pre-game stretching (possibly thinking he would get an appreciative nod from Romney. PSYCH!), is getting all butch on TwitterFight (the First rule of TwitterFight is: only 140 characters) about how he totally would have CRUSHED that 58 year-old homeless woman if she had still been at the top of the steps of the Lincoln Memorial that time when Tim mistakenly thought he was in Philadelphia:

HaHaHa. Bumfights. Awesome….

Filner Pulls All Nighter, No Longer Wants To Bone Anything With Boobs


San Diego Mayor Bob Filner is a real go-getter.  When he sets his mind on something, such as running for Congress or becoming the mayor of America’s seventh largest city or awkwardly propositioning any woman within yelling distance, he doesn’t take “no” for an answer no matter how hard you try to squirm out of his Headlock of Seduction. So when his attorney and advisers told him he needed to go to sex camp he was all “Fuck yeah! High five!” until they explained that it was more like Not-Every-Lady-Wants-Your-Man-Meat Camp and then he was all, “Fuck”.  But a-camping he did go, and he did it with a vengeance, passing his classes with flying T’s & A’s in record time and now he’s tan, rested, and ready to no longer grind his pelvis against the firm jutting buttocks of women he meets at social events … unless they look like they want it. And deep down, don’t they all?  Amirite right, guys?

High five! Whoo!

He’s back, San Diego!

San Diego Mayor Bob Filner’s chief of staff confirmed to 10News that the mayor began his therapy a week early and has already completed the program.

On Friday afternoon, Chief of Staff Lee Burdick told 10News reporter Allison Ash that Filner began his two weeks of “intensive” therapy one week earlier due to “intense media coverage.”

In a press conference in late July, Filner said he would begin his two-week therapy session on August 5.

He was originally scheduled to come back to work August 19, but Filner is reportedly coming back to San Diego Friday.

When asked, Burdick did not say when the mayor would return.

It is entirely possible that we will someday look back upon his quick and early exit from sex “therapy” camp as a premature graduation.

 

Thursday Night Basset Blogging

The L&T Casey and her mother were on the rooftop deck (that would be this deck) getting some sun and  when Casey went downstairs to get a frosty beverage she returned to find that Fenway has taken her place and had no intention of giving it up.

It should be noted that all bassets are endowed with a superpower that allows them to go boneless when someone tries to move them, to say nothing of their ability to triple their weight by sheer force of stubbornness.

 

Being Peggy Noonan Being Hillary Clinton Being NBC

National vodka repository Peggy Noonan who once wrote some Hillary Clinton fanfic (“Assembling her case, Noonan repeatedly uses a technique that increases drama at the price of credibility: invented scenes“), sample:

Bill stood in the doorway, his naked body glistening with Big Mac grease.

“Take me from behind, you fat hillbilly. Make me squeal like Newt Gingrich forced to use the rear door on Air Force One. Oh yes, the rear door… the rear door…”, I growled as I plotted the murder of my lesbian lover, Vince Foster.

…is auditioning to write the screenplay for NBC’s Hillary!: The Coronationing. Here is is her proposal submitted to NBC:

Born in solid-burgher Illinois, baby boomer, father a small-business owner, a harried bully. She is propelled and protected by her mother, who carries with her competence, gruff affection and a quiet sense of grievance: Her own potential has been unexplored. “You have to be strong,” Mrs. Rodham tells her daughter. She gives 7-year-old Hillary a children’s book about a little girl who faces down some local toughs and protects an abused dog. It all takes place in a little town called Whitehaven.

She is an awkward teenager, can’t seem to get right what the other girls get so easily—the right headband, how to flirt. Scene: suburban basement party, 1963. The other girls dance to the Shirelles. Hillary, in a sad little flowered cotton dress, sits on a folding chair to the side. Next to her is a shy boy with a shirt-pocket pen protector. They silently watch, then talk about homework.

She attempts to win her Republican father’s approval, becomes a Goldwater girl. It doesn’t work. He still criticizes her almost-perfect report cards. “Don’t they give A-pluses at your school?”

She leaves home, goes to Wellesley, begins to study politics more seriously. Reading great texts, taking notes. Scene: Hillary in flared jeans, book in hand, running breathlessly down a dormitory corridor. She comes upon another student. “Listen to this, listen,” she says. “The working poor, especially those who are members of minority groups, are discriminated during the mortgage loan process at banks—especially women, who can’t even get a loan unless a man co-signs for it.” The other student, a blank beauty, toothbrush in mouth, towel on freshly shampooed hair, stares at her, blankly. “Um, wow,” she says. Hillary insists, “We’ve got to do something about it!” and marches on. Another student pokes her head from a room, makes eye contact with towel girl, and they start to laugh. Rodham comes on a little strong.

Then …the lesbian pillow fight because: ratings.

Bonus excerpt:

Marriage. Elections. First lady of Arkansas. Awkward. What is the line between feminist seriousness and movement priggishness? Where is the line between getting power and staying human? She wants to be serious and she wants, as always, to fit in. Intermittent mascara use. Comic scene: Virginia gives her makeup lessons. Hillary walks out looking like a whore. But she’s learned something from their recently begun conversations: it’s a mistake to think you have nothing to learn from the Virginia Kelleys of the world. They know things they don’t teach in the Ivy League.

By which Peggy means, how to please a man like a backwoods trailerpark trampslutbag.

Not that Noonan thinks there is anything wrong with that. Bless her heart…

You’re Prettier When You Don’t Talk

Highly infectious Norwegian skin disease and GOP show-runner Reince Priebus is thinking of pulling the 2016 season of Wheel Of Fortune For Even Stupider People off of CNN and NBC because both of those networks have a ratings boner for Hillary Clinton:

“We have to control the referees that we’re bringing into our playground,” Priebus said of his threat to prohibit CNN and NBC from holding Republican-primary debates in 2016. “The fact of the matter is you’ve got two networks that are potentially spending millions of dollars, promoting a person they know is at least doing the dance in getting ready for a run for the president.”

“I’m not going to sit around and let this happen anymore,” he said. The Republican National Committee has announced it will not allow CNN and NBC to hold primary debates unless the networks pulls their production of films they’re planning about former secretary of state Hillary Clinton.

And by “not going to let this happen anymore” what Reince really means is that he is going to replace series regulars Michele Bachmann, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, audio-animatronic Mitt Romney, and the very special brief cameo appearance by Tim Pawlenty with a new cast including Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, and probably George Zimmerman, none of whom will likely say anything even remotely weird or crazy or that you couldn’t hear at closing time from any drunk at a VFW lodge.

The fact that the debates will move to slightly less popular networks like SyFy or GMAPinoy can only be good news for the Republican Party.

And John McCain.

You’re Prettier When You Don’t Talk

Highly infectious Norwegian skin disease and GOP show-runner Reince Priebus is thinking of pulling the 2016 season of Wheel Of Fortune For Even Stupider People off of CNN and NBC because both of those networks have a ratings boner for Hillary Clinton:

“We have to control the referees that we’re bringing into our playground,” Priebus said of his threat to prohibit CNN and NBC from holding Republican-primary debates in 2016. “The fact of the matter is you’ve got two networks that are potentially spending millions of dollars, promoting a person they know is at least doing the dance in getting ready for a run for the president.”

“I’m not going to sit around and let this happen anymore,” he said. The Republican National Committee has announced it will not allow CNN and NBC to hold primary debates unless the networks pulls their production of films they’re planning about former secretary of state Hillary Clinton.

And by “not going to let this happen anymore” what Reince really means is that he is going to replace series regulars Michele Bachmann, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, audio-animatronic Mitt Romney, and the very special brief cameo appearance by Tim Pawlenty with a new cast including Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, and probably George Zimmerman, none of whom will likely say anything even remotely weird or crazy or that you couldn’t hear at closing time from any drunk at a VFW lodge.

The fact that the debates will move to slightly less popular networks like SyFy or GMAPinoy can only be good news for the Republican Party.

And John McCain.

On The Amazon, The Pax Vobiscum Bite

Tom Smykowski: Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don’t have to.I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can’t you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

In light of Amazon’s Jeff Bezos’ purchase of The Washington Post, I’ll just point out that two weeks ago, using my Amazon Prime account, I purchased 100 pounds worth of dumbbells (no, not Jim Hoft and Matt Boyle) and received them in two days without paying any shipping costs. So, it’s not like Bezos doesn’t already have experience in running a business at a loss and convincing shareholders that it is a highly profitable operation.

The question will be whether Bezos (or his WaPo turnaround specialists) will hang onto loss leaders like Charles Lane and Marc Thiessen, as well as past-their-freshness-date-who-gives-a-shit-what-they-think pundits like Robert Samuelson and Richard Cohen. Although one can easily imagine  The Bezos Bob’s trying to fire Cohen and him protesting that he has “people skills“.

And, no, Jennifer Rubin will hang onto her job because, like Megan McArdle, her continuous wrongness and the hilarity it engenders is web traffic gold and The Market Demands It…

Thursday Night Basset Blogging

The L&T Casey is home from Godless NYC for ten days so blogging will be intermittent as we spend Quality Family Time Together, which means going to sports bars and also hanging out at the beach talking shit about the tourists.

It’s like Father Knows Best, but with more swearing and better tans…

Also, thanks to all of the people in comments and who sent me emails last week about Wembley’s wobbly problem.

This Too Shall Probably Pass

If history has taught us anything (besides never getting involved in land wars in Asia and, when he says: ” I’m only going to put the tip in”, it’s a total lie) it is that each Greenwald/Snowden  must-credit-Greenwald/Snowden blockbuster immediately generates much frantic hand-waving (at least the hands that are not being wrung) and wild eye-rolling and plans to invent a a new interweb that runs on kerosene and brainwaves and good intentions , to say nothing of the angsty lamentations of the “SecurityState!Empire!1%!IDon’tKnowNothingAboutVisitingNoAnthonyWeinerPeen.comwebsite” crowd and then slowly …  inexorably … it all starts to fall apart if not crash and burn like the Hindenberg.

So, for the time being,  I’m just going to sit back and watch as people attempt to align hyperbole with reality and see how it plays out. But, to use a favorite Naderite quip, when it comes to these NSA scandals and the fraudulent IRS scandal, there doesn’t seem to be a dimes worth of difference between the two of them. Just folks with agendas cashing in on white people’s problems.

So, while we wait …. this is nice…

{!hitembed ID=”hitembed_1″ width=”560″ height=”315″ align=”none” !}

Added:

i just left this comment on a front page FISA/NSA post and I thought I would use it here to explain why I don’t get in a tizzy with each Greenwaldian timed-for-maximum-outrage revelation:

TBogg August 1st, 2013 at 7:20 am
2
The documents didn’t disclose specific details of the violations. But they said that the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court imposed temporary restrictions on the programs after it learned of the violations until it was satisfied the NSA had revamped its procedures to conform to court requirements.

So, it would seem that the system worked. And that there is oversight.

The IRS has your tax records and most anyone there can access them. The police can access your criminal record ( if you have one). Medical workers can access your medical records. Your bank can access your financial history. If you use a rewards program, your grocery store can tell what you buy and in what quantity. Amazon knows which books you’re interested in. Hell, ANYONE visiting FDL can go to Sitemeter and get your IP address, see which browser you’re using, your monitor resolution and which website you came from prior to coming to FDL.

Yet you’re telling me that the NSA, which has FISA court oversight, can do more scary things to you than someone who can grab your social security number or your banking info or has knowledge about your medical problems.

Interesting…