Greg Ryan can suck on it.

If you're late to the party.

Seating still available in the Larry Craig Pavillion

Plan accordingly:

Full schedule below.

Monday 9/1:
Sen. Joe Lieberman, I-Conn. (Quisling)
Vice President Dick Cheney (War criminal, eats babies, shoots friends just to watch them die)

Monday primetime (10-11pm Eastern Time)
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, R-Calif. (Groper)
President Bush and First Lady Laura Bush (Drunk/enabler or enabler/drunk. Choose one. Or both.)

Tuesday 9/2:
Fmr. Gov. Tom Ridge, R-Pa. (Boring. Will bring color flip charts to liven things up)
Former CA Secretary of State Rosario Marin (Ethnic ...I'm from California, never heard of her)
Fmr. Sen. Fred Thompson, R-Tenn. (Geezer - to speak during early-bird GOP dinner. Menu: creamed corn and... more creamed corn)
Gov. Linda Lingle, R-Hawaii (Exotic Ethnic)
Fmr. Lt. Gov. Michael Steele, R-Md. (Really Ethnic)

Tuesday primetime (10-11pm Eastern Time)
Gov. Sarah Palin, R-Alaska (MILF)
Fmr. Gov. Mike Huckabee, R-Ark. (Godsmacked Yokel)
Fmr. Mayor Rudy Giuliani, R-New York City ***KEYNOTER*** (911!911!911!911!911!)

Wednesday 9/3:
Sen. Norm Coleman, R-Minn.(Sent wife to California  to be an "actress" so he could stay home and fuck other women)
Meg Whitman, Ebay CEO (Beanie baby entrepreneur enabler)
Carly Fiorina, former HP CEO (HP EPIC FAIL)
Fmr. Gov. Mitt Romney, R-Mass. (Magic Underwear Cultist)

Wednesday primetime (10-11pm Eastern Time)
Cindy McCain (Tweaker. Probably the person who stole your car stereo in the early nineties)
Vice Presidential nominee (TBA. If they keep 91 year-old John McCain in the wings too long, could be the default nominee)
Gov. Bobby Jindal, R-La., will speak after the VP nominee (Ethnic/exorcist/nine years old)

Thursday 9/4:
Gov. Tim Pawlenty, R-Minn. (Really  really non-ethnic. Makes Casper the Friendly Ghost look like Seal)
Gov. Charlie Crist, R-Fla. (Gay)
  Sen. Sam Brownback, R-Kansas (Crazy. Dyes his hair, so... gay)
Sen. Mel Martinez, R-Fla (Not Mexican but still muy Ethnic)

Thursday primetime (10-11pm Eastern Time)
Sen. John McCain (video before his speech) - (If he is still awake. Otherwise run The Deerhunter  as true life biographical film as he remembers it from when he was A PRISONER OF WAR)

After party until 11:18 unless candidate falls asleep.

After after party: Orgy at Norm Coleman's. BYOKY.

Boundless enthusiasm, endless stupidity

So whats going on with the Children of The Techno-Twittering Revolution? As they might put it: It's going SUPER AWESOME and you should READ all ABOUT it in its TOTALLY Bitchin' AWESOMENESS.

Or something:

DON’T GO, KEEP THE LIGHTS ON!!!!
Bill Collier THE AMERICAN FREEDOMIST #dontgo Information Coordinator
PERSONAL OPINION- Did you know that the House is still in session?
IF THE LIBERALS THINK we need their Pravda Media Machine (PMM) they ar soon to discover just how bad off they are, we will get this information out NOW!! We will go around the Pravda Media Machines: men like Eric Cantor and John Culberson are leading a revolution that has DEEP roots.
GET INVOLVED at the Information Network by emailing uoadaria@yahoo.com if you are ready to go on the offensive and tackle the DEMS in their “domain”: in the blogosphere, in BTR, in the Pravda Meda Machine, and in their own party!!!!
IT IS ROCK AND ROLL TIME folks, you may not see this yet, but I promise you, we are on the cusp of a radically awesome, peaceful, but total revolution on par with 1776.
ARE YOU READY!!!!???? GOD BLESS the MEN AND WOMEN who are keeping the LIGHTS ON, who are answering the cry of the people they serve, who have answered the cry “DON’T GO INTO THE NIGHT!”
TODAY”S HERO: LATEST is AWESOME!! Rep. John Mica (R-FL): “I came back to Washington because I am a part of this system-my constituents said, “you need to stop what you are doing and even with this tropical storm, you need to go back and have our voice be heard.”

Woooo! Yeah! High FIVE! Anyone? AnyONE? ..... Okay. High five mySELF! Awesomeness! Woooo! Gawd I AM so FUcKING PUMPED!!!1!

A tragedy need not have blood and death;
it's enough that it all be filled with that majestic
sadness that is the pleasure of tragedy. - Jean Racine

According to Joel S. Hirshhorn's dystopian fan-fic, Ralph Nader will still be a smug narcissistic asshole in the future.

The final results are in on this historic November day.

Despite the hundreds of millions of dollars he raised, Barack Obama has lost the 2008 presidential election. American voters have boldly spoken truth to arrogance. Turned out that all those pre-election opinion polls that showed Obama’s inability to get over 50 percent support were prescient. Much of the public was never comfortable with Obama, though he clearly was so comfortable acting like he already was president.

[...]

Ralph Nader summed up this way: “A large fraction of Americans know that we need a Jeffersonian political revolution to fix our corrupt system. They were not fooled by the Obama rhetoric about change, not from someone that has been a product of and servant for the two-party plutocracy. Yes, all the votes for me and the other third-party presidential candidates spelled the difference between Obama winning and losing. Our voters correctly protested against the corrupt two-party system. They did not elect McCain. Only those who voted for McCain elected him, and that is something they must live with as they watch a McCain administration continue dismantling American democracy and budget-busting global warmongering.”

...which means that Ralph wins again! And everybody else loses! Again!

Remember: your pain is his imaginary gain.

For those keeping score at home get out your scorecards and make the following changes:

Kevin Drum is leaving The Washington Monthly and taking his deck shoes over to Mother Jones. Taking Kevin's spot at WM is Steve Benen from The Carpetbagger Report and hilzoy from Obsidian Wings.

As you may have noticed  the lovely and brilliant Lindsay Beyerstein (of Majikthise) has taken over the Campaign Silo here at FDL.

Matt Yglesias left the The Atlantic for Think Progress. Also leaving The Atlantic was the ability to comment on Ross Douthat's blog which were an endless source of delight, like listening to the really good hecklers on open mike night at the Komedy Kastle

Roy Edroso is at The Village Voice

Me, I'm still here (and would it kill some of you to fix your bookmarks?). I'm not going anywhere unless that job as Megan Fox's pool boy opens up, in which case you're on your own.

Crickets chirping...the sound of a vacuum cleaner in the hallway

Ian Faith: The Boston gig has been cancelled...
David St. Hubbins: What?
Ian Faith: Yeah. I wouldn't worry about it though, it's not a big college town.

While people are clamoring for Obama tickets in Denver, things are going "not-so-well" for the National Review's Wingnut Welfare Comedy Tour stop in Colorado Springs. The early signs were not good:

Right In The Rockies [Jonah Goldberg]
Okay, I have an idea for our big fund raiser-comedy extravaganza during the Democratic Convention. I think I will bring a camera and ask the audience to stand as one and offer the Obama salute so I can take a picture. At minimum, this will offer some exculpatory evidence that we were loyal to The One during the Democratic Convention should things take an ugly turn after the election. If the picture comes out well, we can make it available to everyone attending. Oh, and if you don't want your face to show, you can wear your dinner napkin like a handkerchief-mask in the Westerns.

Meanwhile, if any of you folks in the area ever thought of coming to an NR fundraiser, it seems to me this is the one to go to. By the time of the Democratic Convention, there will be so much to laugh at but so few people to laugh with, you'll be craving for a drink and some like-minded souls to talk to and with whom you'll be able to share survivalist strategies. You'll be helping the cause, helping yourselves and having a grand time in the process. And for those of you who think you can't afford it, just think of it this way: Nancy Pelosi and/or Obama are going to take that money from you regardless come the new year. At least this way you get the write-off and a good memory.

Or maybe not:

Colorado Springs Postponed [Kate O'Beirne]
Regrettably, we just learned that an unavoidable conflict will prevent one of our terrific panelists from participating in National Review Institute's Right in the Rockies event next week. With the comic chemistry of our trio disrupted, the event will be postponed until a time when we can deliver the much-anticipated program as promised. We will be in touch with those who bought tickets to arrange for refunds. We are sorry for our disappointed guests who are left to imagine the liberal laughs they can look forward to when we make it out west. Springtime in the Rockies?

You know, Colorado Springs is prime wingnut territory so ticket sales must have blown like Larry Craig in a men's room. Hopefully the National Review can get their deposit back and the Broadmoor Hotel can still rent out the room for a purity ball or something. That way Kathryn Jean Lopez can still get a trip out of the whole thing.

Neocon Rent Boy Michael Goldfarb should be along any minute to blame this on Oregon Trail players which should be just about as persuasive as any of his other arguments.

Someone has to wave the little flag while others fight

Actual McCain radio that still plays Amos & Andy & ABBA

To suggest otherwise is (psst!...prisoner of war) dishonorable and insults all prisoners of war, like, you know, John McCain.

Who was in prison. During the war. In Vietnam.