In what appears to be an extra credit report which was assigned by Andy Rosenthal to justify what is shaping up to be a poor (some might say ‘horrific’)  hiring decision, Ross Douthat was forced to watch the WHOLE ENTIRE HEALTH CARE DEBATE on Thursday which is normally the day that Ross spends working on [...]

Shorter Ross Douthat: If you’re like me, sexy talk can be a real boner-shrinker, but I’m willing to make an exception when it comes to politicians if only for the sake of life, liberty…. but not the pursuit of happiness because the pursuit of happiness leads to madness. Madness, I tell you.

Oh dear, Ross Douthat (for whom a lit red candle and an Enya CD is a sure sign of whoredom) is talking about sex again:

Poor Chunky Reese Witherspoon, she never knew what didn’t hit on her: But Douthat didn’t even really need friends: He could just chillax and write Bill Buckley fanfic in the the sweet dorm room he had decorated according to what he called his “conservative aesthetic”: His room is adorned with posters of Audrey Hepburn and [...]

Shorter Ross Douthat: I found that smurfs with guns movie to be a deeply religious experience Bonus Ross I think you can see why Chunky Reese Witherspoon was spilling her boobage over this hunka hunka burning love.

Shorter Ross Douthat:

Shorter Ross Douthat

Well, he writes like he fucks – sorta all over the place.

Alternative Ross Douthat:

Dull than watching paint dry.