A Whiter Shade Of Fail

By: Saturday May 4, 2013 10:37 am

Shorter Byron York: The real reason Mitt Romney lost in 2012 was because he wasn’t white enough for Real America. Johnny/Edgar Winter 2016

Mitt Romney Urges College Graduates To Have Sexytime “For Realsies”

By: Friday May 3, 2013 11:32 am

First runner-up in last year’s So You Want To Be The President teevee show, Mitt Romney was invited to a small college so obscure that even Sarah Palin didn’t go there  (Which colleges did you attend? All of them, Katie) where he told the soon-to-be unemployed now-adults that they should go out into the world [...]

Mitt Romney Not Missing First Day Of Stupid Job He Didn’t Want Anyway

By: Monday January 21, 2013 3:19 pm

While President Uppity McBlahman was drone-raping Lady Liberty and ordering a hit on Nancy Reagan, first runner-up Mitt Romney was kicking back at his La Jolla beach temple, soaking up the rays and trying to ignore the sound of wailing coming from Ann’s dancing horse dojo: It’s chilly on the Capitol steps today, but that’s [...]

Ann Romney Is Just Sitting Around, Listening To Adele And Crying All The Time Now

By: Saturday December 1, 2012 4:37 pm

Hi. Remember me? Well I’ve been as scarce as Mitt “Mitt” Romney lately because, unlike Mitt, I have a day job and also because of my lack of interest in anything going on these days (oh, you would like more talk about the ‘grand bargain’ and the ‘fiscal cliff’ on the internet? Really? That is why you [...]

The Things They Left Behind

By: Saturday November 17, 2012 2:07 pm

After Amazon’s Magical Affinity Algorithms decided I might like some Romney/Ryan beer koozies… I thought I would check out some of their other great deals since holiday shopping starts just minutes after you have trampled somebody to death in search of a cheap flatscreen at Walmart on Friday morning at 3AM. Let’s go shopping! There [...]

Zomney 2012

By: Sunday October 28, 2012 2:59 pm

Mitt Romney Don’ Know Nothin’ ‘Bout Birthin’ No Gay Babies

By: Saturday October 27, 2012 3:13 pm

Previously former Governor Mitt “Mitt” Romney did not understand how the Gheys were having their gay babies together, what with the matched sets of vags and peens; how does this work? Nowadays he can just have a father/spawn talk with son Tagg “Tagg” Romney about these how fake babies are made and suddenly, for Mitt, all [...]

Gang Ann Style

By: Tuesday October 9, 2012 9:49 am

Smug future-dowager queen Ann Romney is very sick and tired of You People not loving that man of hers like she loves that man of hers, so she and her gang of lying-ass sons, led by eldest crazy-eyed blank-shooter Tarkus, held down Romney campaign chief strategist (I know… I was surprised they had a “strategy” [...]

After Many A Summer Dies The Big Bird

By: Thursday October 4, 2012 1:31 am

Romney said, “I’m sorry, Jim, I’m gonna stop the subsidy to PBS…. I like PBS, I love Big Bird — I actually like, you too — but I am not going to keep spending money on things [we have] to borrow money from China to pay for.” Little did I know when I posted the [...]

Enter The Newt

By: Tuesday September 18, 2012 12:35 pm

As you may heard from the LAMESTREAM MEDIA, Mitt Romney’s campaign has hit a few bumps/had a couple of setbacks/haven’t put their best foot forward as of late/is a ticking time bomb with only four seconds left on the counter and no one knows whether to cut the red wire or the green wire and [...]

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