Mitt Romney’s War On Fap-Americans

By: Friday September 14, 2012 12:30 pm

Having alienated the poors, blahs, olds, browns, gayz, wimmens, youngs, and unions, Mitt Romney is now attempting to throw his largest constituency (middle-aged white men who look at their wives and don’t see a busty MILF cheerleader/boss/teacher/furry butt-slut, so they go back to watching SportsCenter) under the bang bus: Mitt Romney’s campaign told a leading [...]

I, Robot Blogging Except It Is Twitter-Twatting Now

By: Thursday August 30, 2012 1:58 pm

Please return here later this evening for live-blogging of Mitt Romney’s Data Download/Emotion Simulacrum speech because the only thing on earth that is stiffer and more awkward than a Mitt Romney speech is a 14-year old boy on his first visit to Hooters. Basset blogging to follow afterward. (UPDATE) The blogging will be twittering instead [...]

Peggy Noonan Is Responsible For Mitt Romney’s Awkward Ethnic Japery

By: Friday August 24, 2012 5:30 pm

Ronald Reagan’s official dirty limerick writer and sodden Irish niece Peggy Noonan was just being helpful when she started giving advice to balky word-saying machine Mitt Romney in an effort to help him in his quest to become America’s Cool Dad father figure. Maybe start things off with a joke, she said, like those “Yo mama” [...]

Spanking The Maids

By: Friday August 17, 2012 3:48 pm

  I bet when E.L. James wrote her comically porny 50 Shades of Grey novels about a rich and successful businessman who can only find fulfillment when he is either sexually dominating women or punishing them for failing to be submissive, she had no idea that she was writing the 2012 Presidential game plan.

The Mergers & Acquisitions Man

By: Wednesday August 8, 2012 3:06 pm

I have had many conversations among friends and family as to exactly why Willard Mitt “Mitt” Romney wants to be President of these here United States. We’ll leave aside for the moment the daddy issues; trying to attain what his dad George Romney could not, since George W. used up every scrap of the dad, [...]

Harry’s Game

By: Friday August 3, 2012 1:42 am

So… in an interview with the HuffPo, Harry Reid accuses Mitt Romney of possibly not paying any taxes for the past ten years based upon a conversation with a Bain investor. Conservatives lose their shit. Reid repeats his statement on the Senate floor. More shit is lost. Romney butches up and comes back with “put [...]

Snooty Anglo-Saxon People Mocking Ann Romney’s Disco Horse

By: Thursday August 2, 2012 11:24 am

The people of England, a country that will become America’s sworn enemy if Mitt Romney is elected American CEO, are having a spot of fun with Ann Romney’s not in the least elitist hobbyhorse. Under the headline: Ann Romney’s horse fails to win dressage but avoids offending British Short of mocking Shetland ponies over their [...]

Mitt To You People: Suck It, You People

By: Monday July 30, 2012 1:44 pm

Taking time out from insulting the rest of humanity who are not named “Romney”, Mitt “Mitt” Romney was all, “No way, José ….and not the José I fired because I’m running for President, for Pete’s sake” about releasing any more of his tax returns that could possibly show investment income coming from, say, cat brothels [...]

If This Is Monday, We’re Pissing Off Palestinians

By: Monday July 30, 2012 8:56 am

After failing in his attempt to make sweet missionary love with the Goode Gentiles in Merrye Olde, Mitt “Mitt” Romney took his Speed Dating the World 2012 tour to Israel where he spent yesterday pitching woo to his internet girlfriend Jennifer Rubin by whispering sweet Bibis into her ear.  But Mitt being Mitt, he couldn’t [...]

Mitt Romney Is Desirous Of A Little Churchill Head

By: Friday July 27, 2012 11:27 am

Going into his European Vacation, Mitt Romney made up an itinerary of things he wanted to do and see in the countries that are not as exceptional as America in the eyes of Mormon Jesus. From his checklist: Criticize European things for not being American enough Speak loudly to the natives and remind them that [...]

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